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Take it out on the bear?

My daughter is 3 and my son is 1. When my daughter gets mad at him she's started hitting, pushing and pinching him. I can see her get mad and she looks around for something to hit but then goes towards him if I don't get to her fast enough to break it up.

Do you think its okay to give her a selected out teddy bear to take her anger out on? If she's going to hit something I'd rather she re-directed her anger towards a stuffed bear than her brother. Has any one else done this? Did it work or no?

I don't condone hitting, and she gets punishment (not spanked) for hitting. She knows its naughty, but I can just see the anger rising up in her and she hasn't learned how to control it yet.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Sep. 8, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (5)
  • My DS (2) likes to bite things when he gets frustrated. Namely, me and DH. I stumbled upon his biting toy one day (an old teething ring) and the next time he tried to bite on of us I redirected his attention to his 'biting toy'. Now he knows that when he is feeling the urge to physically express himself, he can do so in an appropriate setting. He will even ask me to bring it to him.

    If you do go with the teddy bear route, make sure you are consistant and that she isn't let slide when she takes her agression else where. While she grows, encourage her to express her emotions in other ways, but let her know that there ARE appropriate ways (the teddy bear) that she can express herself without fear.

    Answer by ethans_momma06 at 6:40 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • Hi, I kind of like your idea, but I'd take it one step further. Instead of hitting a toy bear (which is kind of an animal, even though it's stuffed), ask her to hit her pillow. I used to do that with my son. I'd say "Hitting other people/ hurting toys is not allowed, if you are angry say so and go hit your pillow. You can even say I'm angry, I'm angry while hitting the pillow." I'll have to ask him if he remembers that when he gets home from work, lol....

    Answer by kjrn79 at 6:40 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • Find out what is making her angry and talk to her catch her before she attacks again tell her tell mommy what you are feeling and go from there tell her she needs to calm down or someone is going to get hurt or even herself tell her here do what mommy does take a deep breath relax and then tell her ok now go play but be happy about it ok...Hope this works GL

    It worked for us :)


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • She shouldn't be angry. Where does she get this from? I think that would work about the teddy thing...but while you let her work it out that way...try finding a way to work the anger out of her. I know that some kids are just like that. My sisters son has been angery since birth it seems. We try to find what it stims from cause he get kick out of preshool and now real school aswell.

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 6:43 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

  • That sounds like a really good idea to me. I would also create a space where she can cool off and relax and use as a refuge to escape from everyone when she's getting mad. I think some people are just born with shorter fuses. It's good to teach her how to reign in the anger and healthy ways to deal with it. (Tell her to save it until she gets home) Also maybe martial arts or gymnastics class may be helpful to teach her discipline and wear her out a bit.

    Answer by Seven07 at 10:05 PM on Sep. 8, 2009

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