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How many a/moms & b/moms are "friends" on myspace or facebook?

I know here that we can be as open or "mysterious" as we choose to be, but since myspace & facebook use real names, locations, pictures of families & friends, etc., 1. how many would be comfortable adding your child's a/mom or b/mom to your profile? or even adoptee if they are old enough?
2. Would you worry about anyone on your "side" of the triad saying anything personal or possibly offending the other "side"? Since all "comments" are seen?
3. Has anyone had some "misunderstandings" doing this? Or is it a good thing sometimes?


Asked by doodlebopfan at 12:43 AM on Sep. 9, 2009 in Adoption

Level 20 (9,525 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • update as often as I am comfortable. We could create a password where she could check. I would do the same for his siblings, his aunt and adult cousin that I met previously. I'm actually really private and it has nothing to do with adoption. I think our lives are just so open and viewed for the world to see that I don't care to be so open all the time. Its the same way people think they have the right to know every detail of my child's life when they are strangers and I bumped into them at the gorcery store...but they ask and expect answers. Some things are just sacred. I value privacy. I have strict rules that NO friend is to talk about his adoption on facebook, no friend is to put up his pictures on their account, and in person no one can say negative things about adoption or his birthfamily. My mother did and now she is no longer welcome in my life.

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:47 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • My daughter that I gave up for adoption is my friend on FB. My profile is "friends of friends" so her amom can clearly see my profile if she wants to. I am not friends with amom on there however. She has never requested me nor I her. Her profile is friends only. She obviously has no interest in being in contact with me (there or IRL) at this point. Amom stopped sending me pics regularly about 7 yrs ago.
    For me, adoption isnt a subject that comes up on FB. Very few of my FB friends know that is my daughter. However, on her profile she has mentioned being adopted & mentioned that she knows her birth family & thinks we are "awesome" & has made sure she knows as much as she can about us. (she is friends w/ my other kids on there as well as my niece) We chat & comment unless you know the connection there isnt really any way to know adoption is involved.

    Answer by lisa89j at 12:59 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I am a friend on myspace and facebook with my son's birthmom. I think it is a good thing. One thing she says she likes about me is that I am "real," I don't sugar coat things and pretend like my life is perfect all the time. So, we are very open about our lives and I am happy to share everything with her.

    Answer by hollyanne31 at 1:00 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • My daughter's birth mom and I are friends on myspace. I do not have FB and she doesn't either that I know of. We are actually very good friends in real life too! We are about the same age and have many of the same interests and beliefs. We have a very open adoption. Its awesome. We always say we are sisters. I truly consider her family.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Oh I forgot to answer the other two questions. No I don't worry about misunderstandings and a misunderstanding has never happened from Myspace.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • My daughter and I are Facebook friends - her adoptive parents are not into social networking sites so just haven't "gone there". My daughter also has connections through facebook with her two younger brothers (my other children), my mother (her maternal birth grandmother), her birth dad and his sister (her aunt) and his mother (her paternal grandmother).

    Like others have mentioned, on Facebook the topics are much broader and unless you already knew that my daughter had been relinquished and then reunited you wouldn't pick up on it there. If my daughter's adoptive parents did get on Facebook and friended me I'd accept them - no reason not to!

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 2:39 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I'm friends with my daughter's A-mom& Dad as well as her 2 older sisters. I like it. . . I can ask her parents for b-day & christmas gift ideas, try to plan some time to visit with her or just have a general chat with her sisters or parents.

    Answer by chrissmom734 at 2:58 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I tried to be friends on myspace and on cafemom with my son's Bmom when she got in touch with us for the first time about a year ago, but after a few months things started to get really nasty, so I had to remove her from my lists. :( I wanted to be able to share pictures and blogs about my son's life with her openly, but she started to tell me what I could and couldn't do with him, and bashing my political beliefs, and posting blogs about how her son was being raised by crazy liberals.... It was really sad. I tried again and again to ask her that we keep our conversations about him only, and that she not leave mean hurtful comments on my pages, but it didn't work. Sorry about the anon answer, I know she's still on these sights, so... Those who know me can probably guess who i am! lol

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I am glad to see that so many have been able to tear down the barriers to a better relationship with each other, even online.

    And for those who adopted thru foster care (Frogdawg, where are you?) I the only one?

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 3:43 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I am FB and myspace friends with my son, his amom, and asister. No I don't worry about it. The only person I'm not friends with is my daughter I'm raising. She doesn't like user her own name and gets around it by calling herself Anikin Skywalker. I see comments she's made on other's pages sometimes.

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:41 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

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