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My 12 y/o step-son is doing poorly in school and becoming disrespectful, we have grounded him as much as we possibly can, what else can we do?

He is repeating 6th grade and was placed in 6th grade last year (he should have repeated 5th). He has done poorly in school for the last 3 years. We had him tested to see if he was appropriate for 6th and he passed with flying colors. We sent him to a counselor(at school) to see if his issues with school we emotional or psychological, we even offered tutoring for school. He refused to go to tutoring after one day and he stopped seeing the counselor after 4 visits.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Sep. 9, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (5)
  • Are you sure that there isn't a problem like ADD or ADHD? If he doesn't have any learning disability or anything like that and he's just being a lazy brat (sorry to be so blunt, but that's how a lot of 12 year old boys get, from what I've seen), try taking away things he likes (games, going to friend's houses, TV, MP3 player/other music, sports, computer except for school work, etc.) if you haven't already.

    OR, try rewarding GOOD behavior/grades instead of punishing the bad. He makes a good grade, he gets a small treat, he makes X amount of good grades, he gets a bigger reward (like a new CD/game, etc.).

    I would recommend not making it all about punishment and him being "bad" or doing poorly in school. Add encouragement and rewards. That certainly would have helped me in school (even just having my mom acknowledge that I'd done well would have been nice).
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 2:32 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • put him in reform school. if he doesn't srraighten out. at school. I would if i did all i could and got no responds from my child. I now that might be hard to do but it might be the the only thing that might work for him . if things are that bad! good luck
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:53 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • My first suggestion is to get private counseling for him and you so you can get to the root of the problem. School counselors are very limited. Assure him that you love and want him to be successful then tell him that school is now his responsibilty and that you expect the appropriate results. No arguments, no bribes etc. Allow him to pass or fail on his own. I guarantee you will face great resistance from him and from the school if you take this attitude! But he is now at an age that he must be an active participant in his own life if he is ever going to succeed at anything. I know from experience how frustrated you must be! You might try a contract with him and negoiate what is acceptable to both you and him and be specific about rewards and punishments, so there are no doubts or questions about expectations and results, good or bad.
    Hang in there and keep in mind the good things about him! Good luck!
    jessa1091

    Answer by jessa1091 at 12:42 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Sounds like ADD to me. Can you take him to the doctor and get him tested?
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 3:02 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • i would say to find out what the problem is. if there is no problem start taking away his favorite things. he might behave if he can have his tv back.
    momandytai

    Answer by momandytai at 1:39 PM on Sep. 24, 2009

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