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How dfo you control a step child that is out of control

I have a step child that I can not spank ,put her in time out or take anything away from her and I was need some advice before I lose my husband I love him but he is not doing his job as a father when he lets her get away with things like this . I have a 17 month old with him and I can not punish him for things he sees her get by with and not get in trouble

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Asked by dsmom2008 at 9:40 AM on Sep. 9, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (7)
  • she is aware that you have limited disipline acts on her so she will push your buttons. most of all children do not like there step parents. i would not do anything for her if she asks you until she shows you respect. it is exactly what i do.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Make your DH do everything for her. Every time she does something wrong, send her to where her dad is. I think it  is ok if you do non fiscal discipline. It is your house too.

    If I where you, I would be telling my DH not to leave his DD with me if he do not want me to dicipline her.


    Answer by louise2 at 9:59 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I don't know if this is true of your stepchild but I have come to realize that sometimes children act up because there is a problem they are trying to cope with and it manifestates itself in their behavior. If this is at all true, I would try talking it out with her to help try and solve the problem and get to the real problem that may not be obvious.

    Answer by CafeMochaMom1 at 10:04 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I have really tried everything and I'm at my wits end I have told ner she can't come back if she doesn't start acting better but nothing seems to work my husband says that he doesn't punish her b/c he doesn't want her to hate him. I tried to tell him if he did punish her she would love him more in the long run but he doesn't seem to think so , so that leaves me trieng to put up with her bad behavior. She thinks b/c at her moms house she is an only child she can get by with everything but she can't over at our house. I have even left the house whrn she comes over ,but I thought about it and thats my house she's not going to run me off. My son gets in trouble for what he does she is no different she should have punishments too right. Just b/c her parents couldn't get along doesn't mean I should have to put up w/ her disrespecting me in my own house.

    Answer by dsmom2008 at 11:34 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Short answer is: you can't

    You need to ask your husband if he want to be a her parent or her friend. If he is going to be her parent, then he must think about what she NEEDS before what she WANTS.

    What she needs is consistent boundaries - the same rules whoever is looking after her.

    Answer by Clairwil at 12:08 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • First off.. Why don't you discipline?! I'm a stepmom and if my stepson gets out of hand, i'll discipline him whether or not his father is there! He knows that while he's in my house, he'll do as WE say.. not just him! If your husband doesn't want you disciplining, then I'd think about leaving. Otherwise, you will have a long, very unhappy life! My husband had this same problem as well.. Didn't want to get on to him because he had that fear that he wouldn't want to come back. So I've been there.. If you need any more additional advice, message me!

    Answer by PeytonsMom21109 at 2:06 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Not knowing everything I would say part of it could be attention on her part. But if your husband and you discuss her behavior problems in front of her she definitely knows that he is not going to do anything about it. I would do what you need to do, discipline her. My husband and my son have a wonderful stepdad/stepson relationship but he does not let my son get away from behaving. He disciplines him but always ends it with a "i love you". So it brings them closer and though he is sometimes the bad guy they also have there own special time and activities together.

    Answer by slluebcke at 2:31 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

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