Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why does my Dh Take up for his family over me.....

My DH's mom and sisters were really nice to me when we first got together. All through the years they have treated me worse and worse, until I finally had enough and quit visiting and letting them visit my home 4 years ago. I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting me in my home or their's for that matter. But DH dosen't see it that way . He thinks I should have gotten over it already and need to start playing nice again. He even stayed the whole past Christmas day at his moms house with the boys, while I was waiting at home for them. Why is he like this? He see's what they have said and done to me. He says he loves me and he acts like he does, accept for this. I'm tired of him picking their feelings over mine. I had put up with their crap talk for years before I couldn't take feeling like crap around them any more. Now I feel my feelings are rejected by my DH. What can I do about this besides talk more and not be heard?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Sep. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Stop talking to him about it and talk to his family. He's in the middle - and yes, he should choose you over them - but that's harder for men to do sometimes. If it's been 4 years - it may be time to work it out. Right now you're kids are in the middle of it and you don't want them having to see this side or that side - they should have a united family. I'm sorry, but unless they did something completely unforgivable to you - then you are holding on to hurt feelings for no reason and you're causing your husband and kids to have to choose between you and the rest of the family & to do without you because of it. Which is more important - your point or your family? If you were out to prove your point - I think 4 years worth of silence did it. You gotta be a woman about this; you can stand up for yourself and stop making your kids suffer Christmas dinner at Grandma's without you at the same time. It's up to you.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 9:56 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I think you need to call his mom and sisters and talk this out. They are his family and always will be. You could leave him tomorrow and if he cuts them off for you he would be alone. Put on your big girl panties call them and invite them for lunch. Tell them you are sorry if you have done anything to offend them. Talk it out and then see what happens. I am not a Dr Phil fan but I like this qoute "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Your husband is in a tight spot. Imagine if your husband felt uncomfortable around your family and simply quit going there and expected you to not go. He wanted you to end being around them you would call him a jerk and complain about that on here. He is not hearing you because he feels you should at least try again that is what a grown up does. These women you hate he loves and you need to get over it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Sometimes writing a letter is a great way to get heard& understood (and not interupted!) Put it all out there in a letter.
    Allow yourself to be a loving,& therefore forgiving, woman! Words hurt, and can cause damage, but allow them the grace that they need to see that they did hurt you, but you are willing to move forward. It sounds like the only person that is causing you the hurt & damage now, is your own self. It's hard to come to grips with that, but once you do, you are allowing yourself to move forward and toward happiness.
    Start a letter to MIL saying that you want to move forward but you need her to know that you are a sensitive person & get damaged by hurtful things. Tell her that you've been resenting the things that she's said, but you are family, and you need to both start playing for the same team. You both love the same 4 people,& you want to share their it for your kids! (& self)(& DH!)(&MIL)

    Answer by BearlyXen at 10:34 AM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I could have written this post. My MIL and SIL are horrible. At first they were so nice but at the first sign of DH showing them he would be there for me and our children first and foremost, the claws came out. They have actively tried to break up our marriage. I have done the whole forgive and forget thing. That didn't work. They only tried harder and did worse things when they didn't get a rise out of me. I have tried to talk to them and they smile to my face and say everything is alright when DH is around then run to him behind my back and lie to him about things I've supposedly said and done.

    I honestly don't think there is anything you can do. I know that is not what you want to hear but there is no excuse for him to choose anyone, even his mommy, over his wife and children.
    Especially for this long.


    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.