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Opinions needed

I am unhappy in my marriage. I recently reconnected with an old love. He said he wants me back, that he still loves me, and I've honestly never stopped loving him either. While I love my husband, I'm not sure I'm IN love with him anymore. We have 2 kids together.
My old love seems to say all the right things: My kids are more of me to love. I told him I feel like I have nothing to offer him, and he said all he needs is my love. The reason we broke up in the first place was because I was afraid of how much I loved him. Weird, but true. I don't know what to do. I feel like I should give my husband & marriage another try, but I'm not sure I can.
I truely am not thinking of leaving my husband because of my old love, I've been unhappy for a long time. He's a good guy & I know he loves me, but we have our problems.
Any advice, or suggestions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Sep. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • From what you said, I have a feeling that it's not you CAN'T try to make your marriage work, it's you DON'T want to. Does your husband know you're unhappy in the marriage? If he knew, did he want to try to make it work? Have you tried to see family conselor together?
    ocsosomom

    Answer by ocsosomom at 5:25 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Wish I could help you. I am with an old love, myself, got back together with him after my marriage ended. I always knew I loved him, and once my marriage was over, I was free to be with him. The best thing I can suggest is that you leave the old love out of it and decide if you want to be with your hubby or not, based on your relationship with your hubby. If you don't want to be with hubby, then leave him, but don't get involved with the old love until you are fully, legally divorced. That way there is no regret, no guilt, and no one wondering if that's why you got together or why you got divorced. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:25 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Sounds like you just never got over this guy then went and got married had kids, now have a family and you think the grass will be greener on the otherside. You have kids now and really need to think about the decisions you make and how they will affect the kids, if you aren't happy with hubby, try counseling, or get a divorce. But running back to an old flame just doesn't seem like the commitment will be there. It's not that you broke up b/c you loved him too much, you loved him and he didn't love you back the same and you hated how much you loved him!
    MommaRox4683

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 5:25 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • my husband and I have been together for 3 years. 1 year after we got married my ex looked me up and we started talking. (by that time I was 7 months pregnant with my dd)I married my husband for the wrong reasons I did it more to get back at my ex than because I loved my husband. I still believe that my ex is my one true love. My ex told me that he loved me and wanted me back that he would love my dd as if she where his. But I did not go back to him even know I love him more than my husband; my dd deserved a chance to have her dad and mom together. It has been a long road for me and my husband but we started counseling and now we are starting to make things better. I still believe that my dd needs her mom and dad together here for her. I love my ex and he could have taken better care of me and my dd than my husband can (financially) but he is my dds dad and I do want to see things work out for us and for us to be happy.
    kristyleigh614

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 5:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • You need to do what is best for your children. Try and make it work with your husband and if your ex loves you he will step out of it and give you a chance t work with your husband and if your ex loves you he will step out of it and give you a chance. If he is the one that you are mint to be with than you will be with him sometime down the road.
    kristyleigh614

    Answer by kristyleigh614 at 5:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I think many long for the love life they had before kids. Remember, the grass is not greener on the other side.
    wildboyz1994

    Answer by wildboyz1994 at 5:36 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • its not always greener on the other side..the honeymoon stage does not last forever..it wont with any guy..find out why you are unhappy, get good with yourself and then figure out what you're doin but do whats best for you and your children,..communicate with your husband..leave the old flame out until you decide WITH your husband whats best. we never forget our first love..we will never forget that..but seriously theres a reason why you picked your husband.:) go back through and look at your wedding photos and try to remember why you married him..if you can look at those photos and still think its done and over with for reasons OTHER than the old love than go,. leave him and move on,,but dont do it because you want to see "if" it works with your old flame..it may just be infatuation with each other because he reminds you of life before children and such..just choose wisely and good luck.
    naturepeace

    Answer by naturepeace at 5:44 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • You take your problems with you from one relationship to the other. Figure out your problem within yourself before doing anything. Remember that if he was so great you'd have stayed with him in the first place. Once you get back with him you will remember why you left and then you will just be alone. It's all up to you
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:10 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Thank you all for your advice & opinions. I do know that I have to deal with my husband & set aside my feelings for my ex. I have told hubby that I'm unhappy, and he isn't either. He wants to stay with me, but not enough to change anything (imho). I know he wouldn't be interested in counseling, so that's not even an option. I know I need to consider my children, they're the only reason I've stayed this long. But, I believe that if I'm/we're unhappy the kids will suffer too. I lived as a child in an unhappy home, and it wasn't good. I want better for my kids.
    Maybe all I see is happier times with my ex and I'm trying to grasp onto to them. I have pulled out old pictures, but my hubby isn't the same man he once was. We've both changed, and I think we're just too different now.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I was in a similar situation recently. Things have been unhappy with my husband for several years. I had considered leaving several times but stayed to try to get my last child out of high school. Enter the first love (love of my life). He looked me up and we found that those old feelings were still there. We decided to pursue the relationship. Problem was, he had only been divorced for a year and a half. We jumped back into a relationship that tho exciting, was an emotional roller coaster ride for both of us. We both professed our love for one another and I was considering moving 1000 miles away to be with him. The problem was that while he loved me, he still carried the baggage from his marriage. (the ex) He couldnt completely get her out of his mind even tho it was he who asked for the divorce after her numerous affairs. Bottom line, he is back with the ex and talking about getting remarried. Think b4 u react.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

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