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In the middle of rebuilding our marriage and he wants....

his mother to come and live with us for an extended period of time. I am not comfortable with this and he knows it but she will end up either on the streets or in a shelter if she does not come here. My heart tells me the right thing to do is to allow this to happen and see how it plays out. My head says NO NO NO! What advise can you offer?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:17 PM on Sep. 9, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • That really is a hard position to be in. I feel for you. I think all you can really do is tell your husband that you aren't going to be the one to say no, but you know this will put a wedge between the two of you. DH and I both agreed that there will be no one living with us. It's too hard on the relationship, it's too stressful.
    Make sure you have a backup plan in place for if you feel it's uncomfortable and you can make a neat escape. Hopefully he chooses to make his wife happy ahead of his mother. It is hard decision on both of you though. I would also point out that his brother had to put her out for the same thing and if he thinks it won't happen to the two of you he is being naive.
    Seven07

    Answer by Seven07 at 8:17 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Get mom on govt housing. I would NOT want to live with my adult kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:19 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • Ok if she is not a meddling MIL then go for it..but if you get along just try to stay out of eachothers way and go for it.


    I mean do you still love your dh?


    Do you guys have children?


    If No to my questions move on...If not make the best of it. GLin love

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:20 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • MIL does not qualify for ANY assistance because she owns a home that the county will not issue an ok to occupy. She is meddling to the point of her other son kicking her to the curb because of the situation with his wife. I just feel like I am stuck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • An extended period means temporary on the surface, but if she'd be on the street or in a shelter otherwise I'd expect that extended period to be more or less permanent.

    If we were in that position, I couldn't possibly say no. My husband actually would be the one more inclined to say no! But it's not in me to put someone in that position, ever.

    But I'm not in the process of rebuilding a marriage either. Ours is pretty tough and has taken very serious knocks. And I don't know anything about YOUR MIL.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:25 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • "MIL does not qualify for ANY assistance because she owns a home that the county will not issue an ok to occupy."

    Perhaps fixing the permit situation would be a better solution?
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 6:25 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • If she has already been the catalyst to another marriage failing, then say NO WAY. Your dh might not want to hear it, but if you are both trying to work things out, a meddling MIL is just what you DON"T need.
    Nathskitten

    Answer by Nathskitten at 6:26 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • I'm sorry for your siituation. I don't think I have any advice to offer you. You can't say no, because if MIL ends up on the street your dh will blame you for it. On the other hand, if she moves in you will resent her and him for it . . . . You are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Maybe you can set some ground rules as the woman of the house, and force them to stick with them?
    I wish you luck!
    ihatenames

    Answer by ihatenames at 6:28 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • "She is meddling to the point of her other son kicking her to the curb because of the situation with his wife"

    This tells me that mom moving in right now when you 2 are rebuilding your marriage would not be a good idea.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 6:33 PM on Sep. 9, 2009