Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

military wives

how do you handle a deployment? my husband will be deploying soon, and i dont know how im going to handle it. i dont think i CAN handle it. how do you do it? and those that have you are so strong! and i aplaud you for being able to do so. (this is our first. and im not saying ill leave him or anything i just emotionally dont think i can do this) so any tips and tricks to make it seem less scary and maybe help be better deal with it would be greatly appreciated.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Sep. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Just take it a day at a time. :]
    Get a webcam so you can show off the babies and yourself - if you've got the money... or I would budget buying him just.. even a small netbook with a webcam built in or whatnot - so he can get on and show as well. Be aware, he will be POPULAR with friends if he has it, because, of course, they'll want to show their wives, significant other, whatever, whatever as well.
    Write a letter everyday and send off a care package once a month. Just stuff like that.
    LOTS of calling cards as well! :]
    If he's with the right unit, they might have a satellite unit - but calling cards come in VERY handy.

    There might be more I'm just not really remembering... >_>
    If you'd like, you can shoot me a message as well.

    Best of luck to you and your DH. I hope he comes home safe. *hugs*
    K_Sawyer

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 11:55 PM on Sep. 9, 2009

  • my dh is deployed right now. i guess i've just learned to take life head on, no matter what comes my way, so i haven't really had a problem with it. i refused to cry the day he left, especially in front of the kids. that night i went out to eat with a family member, to keep it off my mind. the first few weeks are tough, and i won't lie and say you won't worry. you will worry, and be sad, but once you get the first phone call, or the first email, it gets better from there. the first 2 weeks, after he left and after R&R, i just kept myself busy with scrapbooking. it's my fav hobby. if you have a fav hobby, in your spare time, do it. just keep yourself busy and time will go fast. it took a while to hear from him when he first left, and i'm used to telling him what happened during that day. so i also wrote letters. i'd start the beginning of the day, say how the morning is going, write as the day progresses, and then finish it
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:04 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I know your post was directed to wives I'm a mom my son will be deployed and so are my 2 nephews very soon ... all i can tell you is what the lovely ladies in my group "military moms " have told me when I asked this question, just know and hope that God is in control and that he will take care of him. take one day at a time and do your best to stay focus and positive... my son is my eldest of 3 boys he is 20! but he will always be my baby,my nephews are 21 & 23 and none of them have ever been really far from home... but we must be hopeful ,proud! and,positive! God Bless, I'll include all of you in my prayers

    annyPG

    Answer by annyPG at 12:07 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • that night. i'd mail it the next day, and start a new one. i sent about 14 letters to him, and after that just started getting busy with the kids and all, so i haven't really sent one to him since, except for when i send care packages. i send 2 a month, every other saturday. i put snacks (nothing that can melt or go bad), pictures of the kids, i have the kids do crafts that we send to him, if there is anything he needs, i'll send that. you can even work on a small scrapbook of just yourself in some lingerie you can send to him.

    Don't worry, you'll be fine. it's hard at first, but as time goes by, you'll learn to adapt. and the best part? the grocery bill gets a heck of a lot smaller :) just remember: take a camera with you wherever you go, cuz he's gonna want TONS of pics of you and the kids. you can also get on some groupd here, and there might be some groups for your area, so you can get encouragement. GL!
    armywife43

    Answer by armywife43 at 12:09 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • My husband is deployed to Afghanistan right now. This is our first deployment and we have a 6 year old, an almost 3 year old and Im 5 months pregnant! Before he left I was terrified and thought the same way you did. I didn't think I was strong enough to handle it emotionally. I have been with him since I was 14 years old and the longest we have ever been apart was through bootcamp and we only had one kid then. The best advice I have for you is to keep busy! Doesn't matter what it is, just find stuff for you and the kids to do. I joined the cafemom group for our base and joined in on playdates with them, we go to story time at the library, go to the park, pool, friends houses, doens't matter what, we just keep busy! I honestly can't believe we have made it 5 months already and only have 2 more to go. It feels like a huge accomplishment for me and you wouldn't believe how good it feels to know i can be independent.
    TilmannsGirl

    Answer by TilmannsGirl at 12:12 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • You will do just fine, I promise. It is very hard, especially in the beginning. But it does get easier. Some days are worse than others and some days are still great. Of course you always miss them and wish they weren't missing out on everything but dreaming about homecoming and all the things you wil do together once he is home makes it totally worth it. Honestly, I think it has been good for us. We've always had a great relationship but it really does make you take a step back and realize what you have. Just keep your head up and be strong girl, Im telling you, If I can do it, you can too!
    TilmannsGirl

    Answer by TilmannsGirl at 12:14 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Can I ask what base you are at?
    TilmannsGirl

    Answer by TilmannsGirl at 12:17 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • You'll get through it i've gone through 3 and we made it out the other side. Time goes by like molasses the first week or so and slowly but surely speeds up. The nights are the worst and the best. They're a half a world away so they usually call or e-mail late at night so you have that to look forward to. But it's also at night that you realize they're gone. I use to pretend during the day that my husband was at work but at night i couldn't pretend that anymore. Keep yourself busy, take a class, make it a goal to work out, whatever you like to do do more of it. While he's gone you can take a ton of pictures and e-mail them. You can make theme care packages and when he gets home you get to make welcome home signs and through a big party. I know it doesn't make up for them being gone but focusing on little things like that really helped me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • You WILL do it because you HAVE to do it. You'll be surprised at what you CAN do. Really. My husband has spent 40 months in Iraq on 3 deployments. Every time he leaves I don't think I can do it, and somehow I do.

    For me, the absolute worst part is saying goodbye and the time leading up to that. The weeks leading up to deployment, it feels like it's just hanging over my head... and then the actual hug and kiss goodbye, it's heartbreaking. Then I go home and have myself a good cry. I give myself a couple of days to feel sorry for myself, then I pick myself up and get on with my life.

    I make a list of goals for the time that he'll be gone... working out, losing weight, saving money, organizing our pictures, redecorating a room, whatever floats my boat. Then I get to work on those things.

    I create my own routine, where my days are filled with things that the kids and I like to do... and my nights (continued)
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 8:16 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • are filled with things *I* like to do, like the movies and tv shows I like to watch...

    And then at the end of my day, I always write him a letter or email. Sometimes both. I include him in my day so it feels like he's still a part of my life.

    And of course I try to drop everything when we get a chance to talk by phone or IM or webcam. :)
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 8:20 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.