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Contested Adoption....Any constructive advice out there for us??

Before I even start -- I truly don't want to hear anyone's anti - adoption rants....We have had a child in our home since early this year. He is now 8 months old. The 'potential' birth father has been out of the picture completely until now.All of the sudden he wants to contest the adoption.He did nothing to support the biological mother throughout her pregnancy. We have offered an open adoption and even shared custody for him to agree, but nothing will do. He refuses to consider anything other than him taking this child to live with him - mind you, this child has NEVER seen him and the only thing he's ever offered was to pay for an abortion.He's not proven paternity yet - though I feel it's the next step in all this.I was very blunt with him and asked were he to gain custody would he agree to a transitional placement so the baby could adjust better...his answer ..NO! what about him bonding with us?? He loves us...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (19)
  • Chances are by the time this is all fought out in court, the poor kid will be a couple of years old & birth dad probably wont have a snow balls chance of getting him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:43 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • OP...

    We have a very open adoption with the bio mom and feel it the best situation and would offer him the same.

    Were he to have raised the issue of wanting to parent early on instead of refusing to become involved we would have never fought against him.

    But now I see a child who calls us mom and dad - who looks at us with love and expects us to be there to comfort, love,and protect him. The bond runs way to deep.

    Has anyone else ever been in this situation??

    What can we do?
    When asking if he would be willing to do a transitional placement were he to win custody so it would be easier on the child he said no....that it was his kid and he would take him home period.
    That alone made me realize he did not have this little boy's best interest at heart. As hard as it would be for us - we would want to put that effort into making the transition as easy as possible. Why on earth wouldn't this supposed biodad?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:44 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • If he hasnt been involved up to now & knew about the baby, the judge will certainly take that into account.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Anon 2:43...
    I hate to see this linger on for 2 years - but sure hope you're right about the bio dad not getting him.
    We aren't out to break bio dads heart -- and i told him in the beginning to do whatever he was going to do before the child bonded with us and he did nothing...I also said were he to wait I'd fight like hell and I meant it.
    As upsetting as it all is to have to fight like this, I still want my son's (Our son's) best interests to be held above all others - I will allow this man to be a part of his life. Not because it's easy for us -- I'd like for him to just go away on our part -- and not for him cos God knows he's pushed me to all limits....but because of our little boy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Has the adoption gone through you? My understanding is that if all the of the paperwork was filed correctly and he was given proper notice, there is nothing he could do. Did they try to notify him, did they publish for unknown father (if that is the case). I would be contacting your attorney or whoever did the adoption (if it's final).

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • That's the scary thing - it isn't final yet.
    He reared his head right when it was about to be.
    He was contacted by the agency as a potential father, but didn't respond at all. He wouldn't say that he agreed or that he disagreed.
    So now we're in the land of Limbo sitting and waiting - hoping that the little one sleeping in their familiar nursery right now stays there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • What has your attorney said? Is there a date that he has to do it by? Good luck, I know how stressful the limbo stage is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • The attorney hopes he gives up to avoid headache of years of legal battles. There really isn't a set time frame, but the longer the baby is with us the better because our state does look at the best interest of the child along with everything else.
    Possible birth father has filed a motion to intervene in proceedings. Nothing has really be done at all yet.
    I hope that the judge will take into consideration that this child loves and knows us. This is such a happy little baby...Of course if we lost this battle we would be crushed beyond all imagination - but my thoughts are with how he would cope being around people he doesn't know. I can't even leave him with my mother who sees him every day without him crying for me.
    This is such a difficult thing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:29 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I hate to tell you this, but the judge isn't really concerned about the best placement for the child. His only concern is whether or not the adoption was legal. In court it's going to be about Dad's rights, not the baby's.

    We had family friends go through the same thing. They did end up keeping custody of the baby. Their situation wasn't exactly like yours. Also, lots of times when fathers fight for custody out of the blue like that they are doing more out of principle or even spite. When they are faced with the reality of actually raising the child they chicken out. 

    One final bit of advice. You seem to already know this, but CM has some very anti-adoption members. Be prepared to get some harsh criticism.

    Best of luck to you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 6:02 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Not always anon 5:02. Not in the case of my dad's friend. IT was almost exactly iike the OP's situation. Except the father was trying to prove them unfit as parents. LOL he didn't have any proof though, and my dad's buddy was a great adoptive father. The judge took in to account that he waited almost a year to say something. They got full parental rights. Daddy was shown the door.

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 6:14 AM on Sep. 10, 2009

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