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If your kids grandma didn't want your kids......

my husband tex his mom this exact tex: Would you like to spend some time w your grandkids 2 night? Me and my wife can go out 2 dinner while you spend time with them.
She tex back No I am wat Tooo tired! DON"T be trying to guilt me into watching them its pissing me off!
The last time she had them at her house was about 2months ago and we are the ones that have to ask if they can come over- we live 20 min away. She says she fills like a babysitter and says she seems them all the time. were lucky to see her once a month and when we do ask she responds "i guess so" or "i suppose but hurry".
Were at the point of not asking anymore, but were not sure why she went off like that. When she says no we just say ok. And no she doesn't come over when we invite her to our house either unless its a special occasion. we are diaappointed that she acts this way, and my husband is hurt by it, but his mom sees nothn wrong w it.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:44 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • That would hurt me and make me mad too if i were your hubby. thats wrong.
    bluerose26

    Answer by bluerose26 at 12:47 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • There is really nothing you can do. Stop asking her. When she wants to see them she will let you know.

    I have the same problem with my MIL we just don't ask anymore and sad , but she hardly ever see's our kids
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Some people were made to be grandparents, some weren't. My Dad was the same way, I just gave up and we lived on the same farm. I felt bad for my son but there's nothing you can do.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:51 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • It sounds like this is clearly how she is, my MIL is very much like this but my husband is totally aware of it so we NEVER ask her. My son is not missing out because if she doesn't want to do it anyway, she probably isn't the best to them when they are with her - I'd wait til they go to bed and have a dinner together or ask someone else. Don't bother with her. sounds like she's been like this before so I am not sure why he's hurt or surprised by it?!
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 12:51 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • This is what my mom said to me when my kids where young and I asked her to babysit.
    "I raised my kids, don't want to raise anymore". That meant "NO I will not babysit". Never asked her again.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 12:53 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I don't talk to my side of the family very much, huge falling out..so they don't see our baby at all they have sent a couple care packages by mail and we live in the same state and I sent them "thank you" cards and pics. My husbands side has never once came to see our baby since birth and it's been 10-months and have not asked. I do get my feelings hurt for my baby, but I am use to being treated bad by my own family so his family doing this doesn't surprise me. I do wish it could be different but you can't force grandparents or family to love and care for our children. I know it sucks, but be strong and don't ask her to baby sit anymore.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I find that very sad.

    My mom and my MIL would both LOVE it if they could watch their grandkids every once in a while. But we live so far away (about 13 hours from my parents and about 24 from his). So they see them 2-3 times a year. My in-laws actually came to see us for a week and they left on Tuesday. My FIL actually cried when he had to say goodbye to his grandkids. They miss them so much.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 12:57 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I'd find a reliable babysitter that you like and stop asking MIL - sounds like she will always make you feel like she is doing a huge favor for you. Wait for her to ask - if she misses out it's on her. I know you feel bad for your kids missing out on having a perfect grandparent relationship, but sending them somehwere they are viewed as an unwanted burden will only make their experience worse.

    If MIL's most recent response was out of character you might try to find out if something is going on with her. Maybe she is having health issues or is depressed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • My parents and like that in alot of ways. Now we live 630 mi away, I thought that they may try a little bit more since they can't see them only once or twice a year... Needless to say I'm still signing birthday card from them etc.
    But you know what, it's ok. because now my kids are older, and they see and understand for themselves. I try not to continuesly guilt my parents, but I let my feelings be known at any given time.
    Just move on. You've done your part to have your kids and yourselves be a part of her life. Stop calling, and visiting. let her work to be a part of your lives. If it truley means alot to her, she'll be willing to work for it. It may take a lil bit of time, so be patient. even if it means you and hubby dont get to go out as often as you'd like. Some people take to be great grandparents, and some just dont.
    shortlilfatgirl

    Answer by shortlilfatgirl at 1:03 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I am a grandparent and I would have gone off on you too. How dare either one of you throw that on her at the last minute? She has a life and it's not revolved around you and your kids. Make plans for a week or more ahead of time. Show her some courtesy and she will show you some as well.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:06 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

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