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How do I teach my angry preschooler anger management?

She just started daycare (after my husbands 8 month layoff) and preschool. I have been working full-time for over 2 years. When I drop her off she is teary and doesnt want me to leave. However, it is when I pick her up that all bets are off! She is kicking screaming hitting yelling hateful and just plain mad. Only to me, even at home sometimes when I tell her no. She know her outbursts are wrong and even apologizes after about 30-45 mins, she knows how to take deep breathes to calm herself, but she gets completely out of hand. How do I help her cope in a positive way? I know she is mad because I am not there for her, she has told me as much in only the way a 2 (almost 3) year old know how. But I cant stay home.

I want her to be loving and excited to see me and I want her to know it is okay to be mad at mom. But how do you tell a toddler this and have them understand?

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Asked by ZoasMama at 12:59 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (3)
  • I seem to be having some of the same issues with my 4 year old although I beleive for different issues. My DD not only screams but has just recently become somewhat aggressive. I personnally do not believe in hitting. When I am trying to tell my DD no she can not seem to get herself calmed down to even hear anything else I am saying. I recently read an article that said that you should start off by repeating what they said they want or what they are angry about. By doing this they will become more attentive to what you are saying because they feel they are being heard. I tried this the other day and it seemed to work much better. This made sense to me. I remember when I was a child I screamed a lot and also become aggressive because I felt that was the only way I would be heard. My parents tried throwing water on me and spanking but that just made me more angry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • cont... I beleive when you are dealing with this type of issue spanking, yelling or throwing water is not the best method. This does not teach them how to manage their anger.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:44 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I'm sorry, I forgot to really answer the true question which was how to teach them to properly manage their anger. I am not sure if you can really teach them this at this age. It is a very difficult age and they become so focused on what they want that nothing else really matters. When I DD begins one of her fits I pick her up and put her in time out until she calms down. If she is completely out of hand I put her in her room with the door closed. After she calms down I explain to her that she needs to use her words without yelling or hitting but I do not think this issue will really go away until she is a little older. I have learned not to lose your temper because that is what she is aiming for. I would try to remind her that if she is angry that she should go to her room until she is calm down and can talk like a big girl. Over time she will learn but it will take some time I think.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:54 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

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