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how would you ask

a good friend that you would like to be paid for child care services.

here is the details: last year a one of my best friends DH was diagnosed with a terminal illness. I offered to watch her kids while she attended to her DHs needs at the hospital etc and this past summer she had to return to work and her kids spend most of the day at our house and even some nights if she has to go out of town for work.

money is very tight in our house and we have been discussing me finding a part time job once my DH comes home at night. However he said that while he can manage our 6 kids he dosnt want the responsiblity of the other 2 if im not home. On the typical day both boys are here from 6:30am till 7pm (some days earlier some later) and the older boy is in school from 8:30-3:30 with my older children.

SO in the big picture either she needs to find daycare for the boys or pay me that way I wouldnt need to get a pt job

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:02 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • I would tell her exactly what you wrote here; money is really tight, and you can't afford to keep doing what you've been doing. Either you need to find a job and she needs to find daycare, or she can pay you to watch her kids.

    Answer by SWasson at 1:05 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Thats a tough one. I would just say something like "I am going to be looking for a job because money is tight, so I need you to find childcare for your kids" maybe she will just offer to pay you

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 1:05 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • So you have not be making her pay all this time. Now all of a sudden you are going to tell her to pay? It will not go over to well with her. She is getting a free ride from you. You two might not be friends after this. I will say. Just tell her. You either need to start paying me or find a different daycare situation.


    Answer by louise2 at 1:10 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • The next time she is over to pick up the kids you need to have the children play and you need to have a sit down discussion with her. managing her two with all of yours is a chore in and of itself. I mean watching them is a job, but feeding them as well, my goddness, has she not paid you at all? I would just tell her what the situation is with you and that you may have to go to work and the care will no longer be there for her kids if you do. Tell her you guys are financially strapped now and that at first you didn't mind helping her as she is your friend, but as time has gone on it is hard to support her two, when you can barely support your own. Tell her if she would like to work it out, you can keep watching her kids, and you and she could come to and agreed upon amount per week for child care costs so she won't have to find other care.

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 1:10 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I would tell her just like you said, money is tight and you need to find a job, so you won't be able to watch her kids any more. I wouldn't even bother asking her for money for watching her kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I've been here before. My sister in-law watches my two little girls and she started out doing it for no pay. I had offered it and was told "no, I enjoy them too much to let you pay me." Later, her situation changed and she simply asked me if she could start getting paid for childcare. You say that this is your best friend, so you should have no trouble at all explaining your need for compensation. After all, her kids are happy with you, and are used to the arrangement. She is not going to want to start all over and pay a stranger to watch them when she can pay you, someone that loves her kids, to do it. I don't think you will have any trouble with this at all. Good Luck!

    Answer by mygirlscome1st at 1:14 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I think I'd be honest with her. Tell her that since things are tight, you are needing to go back to work PT and your husband won't be able to watch her kids when that happens. You might even say I really need to make at least X dollars a week to contribute to my household. I think the idea might come to her to ask you if you'd be interested in watching her kids for pay instead of going back to a PT job, and if not she will have been warned that she needs to start looking for other childcare.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I think the way you phrased it here is very well put. It is kind and understanding to her situation, but it is honest about your needs. Just tell her exactly this and let her know that if she can't pay you, you'll have to find a someplace else.

    It was mighty generous of you to do it for free for this long! Especially when you have so many of your own. You obviously love children, I hope she offers to pay and everyone is happy!

    Answer by beckcorc at 1:18 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

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