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How can I explain to my husband that I am extremely jealous of his freedom?

I love him very much, but I know that I have been taking it out on him that I've lost my freedom since I had my second daughter (his first). I'm sure he just think I've turned into MEGA B....and I didn't realize until just now that maybe it was because I am feeling envious of his freedom. He can go when or where he wants, but I have to ask, most of the time take the baby, or I get a guilt trip or extreme stipulations to go anywhere. I have no friends now and my life outside of the home and work is non exhistant. I want to do what's best for my family. Am I being ridiculous? What should I say if not? I'm pushing him away because I have no outlet...what should I DO?? AHHHH!!! Thank you so much!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • No you're not being ridiculous and I find it extremely strange that he has all this freedom and you don't. He has a child too. Sit his ass down and say look here's the deal, I need to get out too and you have responsibilities at home.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 2:39 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Sounds like me! I was jealous of SO for the same reason but I told him once I realized. He thought it was dumb for me to be jealous but thats how I felt. Ur not crazy or wrong to feel this way. U need to sit him down & talk b/c u dont want to push him away. I'm not exactly the best at giving advice for this thing b/c my situation got better over time but it took a lot of hashing it out w/ SO for him to get better about playing w/ DD but I still cant leave w/o DD hes never stayed alone w/ her & shes 20 mo now. PM me if u need to talk wish I could be more help.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 2:40 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Ha ha! It's true...I'm such a push over. Thank you so much!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I don't understand why you cannot get out. I go out every Thursday with a group of SAHM's. My husband doesn't complain and I certainly don't ask him. I tell him I love him and leave. You are married to a jerk but you are also to blame. You taught him it was OK to walk all over you. Stand up for yourself. Don't whine tell him you are going to have a girls night once a week and if doesn't like it too freaking bad. He can care for his own child once a week. If he won't watch your other child I would let him know if he won't help you you are not doing his laundry or other things around the house. Don't put up with it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I don't understand why you cannot get out. I go out every Thursday with a group of SAHM's. My husband doesn't complain and I certainly don't ask him. I tell him I love him and leave. You are married to a jerk but you are also to blame. You taught him it was OK to walk all over you. Stand up for yourself. Don't whine tell him you are going to have a girls night once a week and if doesn't like it too freaking bad. He can care for his own child once a week. If he won't watch your other child I would let him know if he won't help you you are not doing his laundry or other things around the house. Don't put up with it.
    __
    This.

    I've never asked if I could go somewhere, I tell him where I'm going, but I never ask.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Something is off here. Marriage is an equal partnership; it sounds like you are a nanny, maid and cook, not a spouse. Didn't the two of you discuss this before deciding to have a child together?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 3:13 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Thank you. I definatly agree. No WHINING! And yes, it is my fault for allowing this to happen. Thank you for your answer!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I don't think it's a matter of me being a nanny or a maid. He does help out around the house. I think I just haven't verbalized my needs as I should have. I'm going to work on that and hope it gets better. Thank you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I think I know how you feel. I was feeling the same way at one time in my life. But after careful consideration, I realized I was not jealous of him leaving, I was more jealous of him leaving me behind to deal with the kids. It seemed that he just said "Im going here or there and I'll be back later. And it seems like I was having to schedule an appointment with him so that I could leave. Then when I did leave I was'nt satisfied because I loved being with my children but I wanted us all to be there together and not him always going out the door leaving me behind. It soon took a toll on our marrige because I felt so resentful of him and his freedom. It made me mad because he did not have the same feeling about being home with me and the kids as I had. Even though I tried to talk to him about it he did not seem to understand. I did not leave because he was and still is a good provider but I still habor some resentment.
    tweeta

    Answer by tweeta at 9:08 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • everyone needs me time, you should just go out even if its just to the park to read a book by yourself you have to in order to keep your sanity!!
    xxSummaxx13

    Answer by xxSummaxx13 at 7:54 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

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