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Giving up as a parent?

So dh has been depressed lately, and he doesn't want to talk about it. Though he says he feels old beyond his years (he is almost 29) and he feels like he always fights with his kids (they are 11 and 12) and they don't listen to or respect him and he feels like a failure. But yet he won't say much more than that.
Well now he has become distant and he has changed and is basically letting the kids do whatever it is they feel like. They live with us full time so I know. For 2 weeks now, they don't do homework hardly ever, watch Tv all afternoon, the 12 y/o sd is hanging out with girls that are 17 and 18 and going who knows where, basically kinda letting the kids raise themselves. Now I am worried, and I don't know what to do. I am looking for advice. I am worried about him, also VERY worried about the kids as well.
Any thoughts or suggestions on what I can do?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I know it's frustrating, but you have to do whatever it takes to keep your dh going. First, talk to him and let him know that you will be there to back him up, and that he needs to do the same for you. Even though he may know what the problems are, bring them up to him one by one WITH your proposal for correcting it. He may not agree to your suggestions, and that's ok, then the two of you can decide on solutions together. After the two of you have decided on your game plan, then it's time for all of you to sit down together. Explain to the boys that these are the rules. They will be followed or there will be consequences. Tell them what the consequences are. Most importantly, DO NOT BACK DOWN!!!!! You must be consistent.
    I do agree that if the situation is too far gone, you definately should seek the help of a professional.

    Answer by bracketrat at 10:31 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • tell dh he needs to wake up... this is his kids life and even tho he may feeli like that he needs to be a parent. Suggest couseling. do family counseling. put ur foot down.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:39 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Make a doctor's appointment for him. He needs treatment. They live with you full time so you may have to step in and put your foot down when it comes to their well-being! Remind him that without parental guidance who knows how they would end up!

    Answer by KennsWifey at 5:02 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Make an appointment for him, he is depressed and needs treatment, While you are at it, make an appointment for family counseling. Those kids need structure, rules and limits before they get in trouble with the law and there are more problems to deal with. You need to demand this. NO parent should just give up, it is not healthy for them or the kids.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:20 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Maybe go on a weekend away with kids to go camping, six flags, national park, etc..., It may give him a waskeup call, so to speak. Then is that fails Dr. office. Because most men won't go you may have to try other things first. You may even call a therapist and ask them if they have suggestions. Maybe if you step in and put your foot down with the kids he will start putting his down too. Both of you have to be firm with the kids. And be kind and loving when talking to him about anything that he may take the wrong way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 PM on Sep. 11, 2009