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Maried to an Athiest

Before my husband and I got married he made it clear to me that he wanted nothing to do with religion of any type. He grew up in a Baptist home and didn't like being forced to go to church etc. I never experienced that growing up and although my family was Catholic, I was allowed to decide for myself and chose Paganism. Well, now want to explore again but am afraid if I do it will ruin our relationship. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have a friend at work who is exploring the Muslim religion and I admire her commitment to it. I have an internal pull to the church that runs my son's school. The last 3 times I've gone to church I've cried uncontrollably. That has to mean something, right? It is wierd. Granted the 1st of the 3x was 16 years ago, the 2nd time was 3 years ago, and the most recent was last year for my son's school program.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:34 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Answers (13)
  • I would say go for it. My husband and I are humanists but either of us would support each other or our kids if someone wanted to explore religion. Just because he doesn't want to be a part of a religion shouldn't stop you from exploring those things that you find important.
    mummy22kids

    Answer by mummy22kids at 7:39 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • As long as you aren't pulling him with you it should be fine. Religion is only one aspect of a person. My husband is a different belief than I, but I don't love him less because of it and it's not why I fell in love with him in the first place.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 7:45 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I would have to say that from a christian perspective to put you rhusband before your faith would be a bad thing, your should needs nurturing and no matter where you find it if you dont get it a piece of you dies what your husband chooses to do with his soul is exactly that his choice but if you rnot pushing him and the search is about YOU finding what completes YOU and not what completes BOTH of you he should be fine with it. I'm sure he doesnt enjoy going on shopping sprees getting a mani pedi and a full body massage... but that wouldnt stop you from it now would it? ;) Do what your heart tells you is right
    katiekruschke

    Answer by katiekruschke at 7:49 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I would say go for it. Let no one stand between you and god but of course let your husband know he is not being forced to do anything that this is your choice.
    rhanford

    Answer by rhanford at 7:49 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Yes, it would be nice if you would at least try and respect his non-belief, since you went into the marriage knowing about it. That, and not use being born again a an excuse for lying and adultery...wait, sorry...that was MY marriage. My bad.

    That said, he also needs to be supportive (or at least hugely opposed) to your return to faith/church. You really have to have respect and support on both sides. I had no major issues with what my ex-husband felt he needed to do, just with the ways he went about it, and the reasons he claimed he was getting god in his life in the first place. And I was unhappy with his forcing,threatening, and spanking the children to make them go with him every week, and, oh, yeah, the whole christian whore on the side that he married before the damn ink was dry on his blasted divorce part.

    Good luck. Again, respect and communication on both your parts is crucial.
    roachiesmom

    Answer by roachiesmom at 8:27 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I would just be upfront with it- I think you can pursue your own spirituality while still respecting his right to believe (or not believe) what he chooses. I do think with different beliefs you need to have some sort of consensus about some things- my dh and I are 'eclectic' when it comes to beliefs- I'm Buddhist from a Christian background, dh is an atheist from a Hindu background- but it has not been an issue for us. We both respect each other's beliefs, neither is seeking to convert the other, and we agree on how to raise the kids. That makes it a non-issue for us. HTH a bit!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 9:17 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I think this is an issue between you and your husband you have to face. Is this an issue because you'll want him to change with you? If yes, then, I'm sorry, but your husband stated his position in this issue and can't change his beliefs because you feel a pull regarding your own. If no, then what reasons do you feel will come between you and your husband? Everyone has a right to their own beliefs. Which mean he has rights to his, and you have rights to yours. I think if you sit him down, and talk to him about your feelings, then he probably won't mind you searching for answers yourself, as long as you understand he's faithful to his own personal beliefs, and you make it known, you are doing this for you, and won't pressure him in the future to change himself.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 11:29 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • If your husband loves you then he will support your decision, just remember if you do get back into the church don't start bugging your husband to join you, just respect his choice of being atheist.
    sammiesmom2000

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:12 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • I agree with the previous posters, go for it. I was in the same boat as you are right now. My husband is an atheist and I was feeling a pull to something. I went back to church and haven't looked back since. My husband was not very happy with the decision. At first he didn't yell but spoke very loudly and was very upset. I let him blow it off, I didn't speak. Then I looked at him and said, "I need a few minutes to sit and think." I went to the bedroom and picked up my Bible and started reading. I sat and prayed, asking God for help. When I came back out I, very calmly, answered all of the questions he had spouted, told him how I felt and what was in my mind. We discussed it like adults after that. Maybe he could see my peace, I don't know. But we came to an arrangement. The kids go to church with me and any questions they have, they write down....
    momof3inTN

    Answer by momof3inTN at 11:36 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • Then, as a family, we ALL discuss those questions. Me giving my opinions and my husband giving his. It is working very well so far. My husband has not tried to stop me from going to church or Bible study or prayer meeting since. And I don't push my beliefs on him. If he wants to go to church with us, he may. If not, that is fine as well. But he sees the change in me since coming back to God. He sees that I am a better mother, a better wife, a better person. Good luck. If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me.
    momof3inTN

    Answer by momof3inTN at 11:39 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

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