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This is for grandmothers out there but anyone is free to answer please no bashing

Grandmothers if you have animosity towards you DIL or SIL would it stop you from being in your grandchildren's life? Wouldn't you put that drama aside and try to prove to them that you really care especially if you messed up before? the reason Im asking this is because I had a falling out with my inlaws a couple of years ago because of the way they handled being granparents to my DD and I let it rest and tried to be civil with them for the sake of my DH. But 2 yrs later they are doing the same thing and its pisses me off because now Im passed them being in her life it bothers me that they dont make the effort but then tell the rest of the fam that WE dont take her to them. I know its because my MIL doesnt care for me! And now DH feels like he owes it to them to take her over there. Well why is it so hard for them to come to our house? I f anyone has some good advice please let me know I am @ my wits end with this crap?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 PM on Sep. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Well, as a Grandmother myself, I can tell you, I would do whatever it took to be in my grandchildren's lives. If that meant coming to blows with my DIL or SIL, I am afraid it would then come to such. With our grandchildren,the father is not in the picture, at the moment, but we do try to include his family in the lives of the grandchildren as well. It can get tough, but I remember what it was like with my inlaws when the kids were little. As a grandmother myself, now, I can understand what it was like for them.

    Answer by m-avi at 10:18 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I'm not a grandmother, but I have sons ages 17, 20 & 26. I've thought about this alot because of my MIL. My husband & I've been married 21 years. My MIL didn't like me because I'd been divorced and had a child, & she's Catholic. She never got to know me. We have her only grandchildren. She's met the oldest twice, & the youngest once. She doesn't live far from us either. She cut us out of her life & told my husband that "she was dead to us". ....& has stuck to that for our entire marriage.

    I personally can't imagine cutting one of my sons or my grandchildren out of my life EVEN if I didn't like the wife they chose. I worry that my DIL's will think I'm trying to be too much a part of their lives. I don't know how people do that. I always feel like no matter what my MIL thinks of me, my husband is her first born could she cut him out of her life....I'd rather cut my heart out. And my boys deserved a grandmother.....

    Answer by ohwrite at 10:26 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • I am trying to patch a breech with my in laws at the moment. My FIL made threats to us and I was scared to the point where I got a restraining order based on what DH said had happened before. My MIL forgave us almost immediately, making me think we were not in the wrong for our actions (long story) and since DS was born i have been giving them more and more time with him. But if it happened again? FIL would NEVER see our DS again, EVER. The end, over, done with.

    Answer by auroura at 10:46 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • Once you treat a grandparent disrespectfully it's hard for them to just let it go. They are not punishing the child, they just choose to not be with you. There is a difference.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:13 PM on Sep. 10, 2009

  • The grandparet should lead the family and do whatever it takes to have a good relationship with their grandchildren. If they're angry at you they do need to try to work with you to resolve the issue so that they can come around. I don't think it is healthy for family to just be there for one person in the same family. They need to respect all the members of the family.

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 12:48 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • My ex's mother is the same way. I have cut her out of my life because she is so toxic, but I never kept her from being in my dd's life. It's been over a year and she made any sort of effort to see my dd. She has a car...she lives less than 10 miles from me, but she won't come to see her. BUT, she tells everyone that it's ME that is keeping her from having a relationship with the grandchild!! My ex is completely on MY side, which is fortunate. He knows that it is HER that won't make the effort to see the grandchild, and that I've never stood in her way.

    It's her loss.

    Answer by Fallaya at 7:54 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • she has NOT made**

    Answer by Fallaya at 7:56 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

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