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my 12 yr old daughter became a woman last week and i had to find out when i did laundry and she even tried to deny it in fear of gettin in trouble.. wow.. i dont know how to get my daughter to feel comfortable enough to communicate with me

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Asked by jscastro at 1:32 AM on Sep. 11, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (13)
  • did you talk to her about all the birds and the bees crap early enough?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • I have not gone through this with a daughter and never will as I have three sons, but I can tell you about my experience when I got my first period.
    I was a late bloomer, my little sister got her period three years before me. SO my mother would often very loudly no matter who was around ask if I had my period yet. Let me tell you it was MORTIFYING! Finally I got my period and didn't tell her because I was so embarrassed about it, about what she would possibly say. A few months later I was reaching into the fridge to get some milk and I complained about a headache, she says "Are you on your period" Really loud and in front of my entire family, dad, brother and three sisters. OMG I wanted to die. I quietly said yes and she starts yelling that she told me to tell her when I got it and she was quite disappointed that I didn't tell her to begin with. That outburst was the exact thing I was trying to avoid. Continued...

    Answer by Nathskitten at 1:56 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • I never told her another thing. I was soo embarrassed about how she yelled it out in front of everyone.
    My advice is to buy her a book about puberty and let her read it. Then ask her some questions about what she read. I would actually have a journal just for the discussion of woman related questions. Give her the journal and tell her she can ask you any questions she has in the journal and you will answer her in the journal. It is embarrassing to talk about, but if you can write out what you want to know and then read the answer in private it is still embarrassing, but less so, because the person is not right there while you are writing or reading it.
    Just think if you start the journal thing, it could become your main way to communicate personal information with her.
    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

    Answer by Nathskitten at 2:01 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • Mine hid it from me, and hid her underwear, and YES we had been talking about it for a couple of years but I guess she was just embarrased when It actually happened...I thought she was comfortable with me because we talk about everything...I think she just didn't know how to say hey mom I started my my sister and I start talking to my dd and my neice who is 12 about "accidents" we had at school, , because we all have them..after we started and it kind of opened the lines of communication....she's always been very modest but I hope now she'll talk to me about it

    Answer by Jan40 at 2:03 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • my daughter had similar happen...she started at school and thought she could just ignore it and it would go away...she already knew all about it and i had even bought her her own pads to keep under the sink before she started so she would be i was floored that she didnt go to the nurse and ask for help...but again she was probably afraid to...after that i talked to her about what needs to be done, and she now knows to carry a spare pad in her backpack. We just recently jumped ANOTHER hurdle with her...she was invited to go swimming and wanted to so bad but it was that time of the month and shes never used tampons...and unfortunately neither do i! luckily her cousin lives right next door and she helped us...she did fine!
    at first your daughter WILL be uncomfortable talking...just dont hesitate to talk to her...she will open up!

    Answer by blueeyedgrl2377 at 5:11 AM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • I feel for you, definitely. I haven't experienced this yet with my daughter, but she's 9 & has already developed breasts & pubic hair so I know her period is just around the corner... I talk to her frequently about her period & what to expect but I bring it up in a nonchalant way & try not to be over-bearing about it. I hope I'm taking the right approach b/c my biggest fear is that she won't tell me when she starts!! So like I said, I feel you're pain & mine hasnt even happend yet. By the way, i think Nathskitten's advice about the journal is a GREAT idea. Good Luck.

    Answer by Lextacy at 2:37 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • I'd try opening those lines of communication because bigger things come next in life like peer pressure, shaving, boys, dating,drinking, drugs, sex, birth control, etc. My sister-in-law, who is 10 asks me questions, and then i answer directly, very honestly, and I don't treat her like an child. But then i clue in my mother-in-law, who i think is bummed but grateful to have someone. I don't skew the answer, and I don't bull, which i think is why she does open up to me, and i'm a little more liberal then my husbands family.....Perhaps if this trend continues she has a cool elder cousin, hip younger aunt, that can answer her questions but shares your values and can guide her.


    Answer by momofcali3 at 3:29 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • I did the same thing. It was embarrassing. I'm more private about those things and didn't feel comfortable talking to my mom because I knew she would get emotional.

    Answer by monica_0017 at 5:55 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • my mom had me read the book, Are you there God its me Margaret. Its about a girl that is waiting to get her period. She also let me go with my junior girl scouts group to the hospital where they showed us a film about reproduction. Even so, when i got my period i was mortified and absolutely shocked and scared like crazy. I screamed and my sister came in the bathroom and I showed her. She then went and got my mom. My mom hugged me and gave me a pad and then we went shopping and she bought me a purse and new panties and a new bra. I love my mom so much!

    Answer by Joanne28 at 9:35 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • Haha...My mom gave me the whole talk and stuff, showed me where the pads were in the house, etc. Then when I got my period, I never told her. lol 3 months later, she asked if I had it, and I said yeah, and she told me I should have told her so she could get some more pads. I don't really know why I didn't tell her...I guess it seems like a personal thing to me. I'm glad my little one is a BOY! lol

    Answer by AidensMommy608 at 9:57 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

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