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How do I help my daughter have her stepdad to adopt her when her birth father will not let her go?

I have a 9-year-old daughter who wants her stepdad to adopt her. She loves her biological father, but he is a meth-addict (supposedly recovering). He had remarried as have I and he has a stepdaughter and a new baby. My daughter, the child he an I had together, feels that he just forgot about her. And it does look that way. Before he moved to Pell city he would see her every weekend, then it changed to once a month, and sometimes not at all. He does not pay child support except when he has some extra money and then it is not what he is suppose to pay. Emotionally he has put my daughter through the ringer. She will tell him that she wants to comes see him, because she knows that is what he wants to hear, but before he gets here to see her she starts getting sick at her stomach and changes her mind. Me and my husband (her stepdad) give her a stable environment, something that is normal. I just want to protect my child.

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Asked by MsBehaving101 at 12:34 PM on Sep. 11, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • I would talk to a lawyer, but I know that it can be difficult to take away a parent's rights when they aren't willing to give them up. While you do everything you can to make it happen, I think I wouldn't get her hopes up, and would let her know that whether legal or not, her stepfather loves her as his daughter, and will always be her father. I think for her self esteem, I would also tell her that her biological father loves her, he just doesn't always make the right decisions. Counseling for her would probably be a good idea, and a lawyer would be the best place to get advice as to if you can terminate his rights so your husband can adopt her, and how to go about it. I think it's a long shot, and may be expensive.

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:40 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • Unless the father signs over rights there is nothing you can do. Even if he is a meth head. As long as he is paying support (even if it isn't the full amount that it's supposed to be or that you expect fact is he is still paying it and has full rights)

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 12:48 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • Also you need to tell her that even if your husband adopts her, her father will always be her father. A piece of paper doesn't change that.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 12:48 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

  • When my niece wanted to be adopted by her stepdad, my sister told her bio dad that if he didn't let the adoption go thru, she would sue him for 9 years worth of back child support. He had never payed a penny, and was all too eager to sign over his rights to save money. Maybe you could try something like that. Figure out (roughly) how much he would owe you if you enforced the child support order, and tell him either he signs the adoption papers, or you will take him to court for all that money.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 3:12 PM on Sep. 11, 2009

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