I come on here, not all the time, but often enough. I do know that several of you do have other children since your relinquishment. A post I read was someone telling an ap that she adopted to have to fill up her loss?
Lets hear it. Birthparents, particularly those who have more children, is that really what you think? That paps adopt to replace children they have lost? Is it even possible?
If not, then ok. If you do, did you also have the same motivations for having a child? Did you have your subsequent child in order to "replace" or "fill" a void of your first child?
Surely, the majority of birthparents can not think this as some of you seem intelligent and an intelligent person would not make such an ignorant statement or assumption. You all know too well what it is like to lose a child (in a different way of course) and know that they can not be replaced.
But I do not want to assume you all think this way. I want answer
Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 PM on Sep. 11, 2009 in Adoption
Answer by Luvnmifamily at 9:52 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 9:27 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 9:45 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by Luvnmifamily at 10:02 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by Southernroots at 10:02 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by Southernroots at 10:06 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by Southernroots at 10:08 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
I have a friend who, long before she met me, placed a child with his adoptive parents. And then she had her second child less than a year later. If you asked her she would honestly say that she probably was trying to "replace" the child she placed for adoption. She really can't tell you because she admits quite openly that she wasn't thinking clearly then, she was rebelling. Now she is a proud mother of three, including the child she placed. She is good friends with her child's mother and will also tell you she has no regrets. It is true you cannot assume on either side thoughts or feelings. I assumed when I spoke to her, because of time on CM, that maybe she had such deep pain and grief still and other things moms on here talk about. Nope. No one coerced her. When I asked her how she could sign her rights away: she told me simply all she focused on was her child. What she knew to best for him.
Answer by frogdawg at 10:36 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
She provided him a family and a home, as she put it, a good life and a better life than what she could have given him. She does say that life after placing him is a blur. That she doesn't really remember whole months. There was a lot of pain that was evident. For me, I never adopted a child to fill a void. I was already complete. If I never got to raise a child my life is still good. I wanted to expand my family and raise a child but it wasn't this I have to do this or I will feel always empty. There was an intense desire but not an eternal quest in order to be happy. Also adoption was not to replace not being able to have children. I have no idea if I can have biological children or not. My first choice was always adoption. It was never the alternative route. But the first path I chose. There was nothing to replace. Only open arms and open heart ready to love.
Answer by frogdawg at 10:44 PM on Sep. 11, 2009
Answer by doodlebopfan at 11:13 PM on Sep. 11, 2009