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What is the worst question you can ask a woman whose husband is deployed?

In my opinion, "how are you" ranks really high on that list. My husband is deployed and I am 23 weeks pregnant. Seriously, how do you think I feel?

I know it is all meant to be thoughtful. But I have heard that so much lately that I just want to scream!

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Asked by rhianna1708 at 12:26 AM on Sep. 12, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 25 (23,819 Credits)
Answers (33)
  • I know one that really gets to a coworker of my husband is "Are you worried?" Of course she worried, her husbands in a war zone, but he is doing a very important job and she is proud of him too. But really? do you need to ask that and drive it home just a little more?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • Are you worried he will cheat on you being separated for so long? I hate that question. I just want to slap people who ask that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:38 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 15 Things not to ask an army wife!!!
    Category: Life
    1. "Aren't you afraid that he'll be killed?"
    (This one ranks in at number one on the "duh" list. Of course we're afraid.
    We're terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds ---but
    thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can
    go ask someone with cancer if they're scared of dying.)

    2. "I don't know how you manage. I don't think I could do it."
    (This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying.
    Here's why: it's not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since
    childhood of the day we'd get to be anxious single moms who carry cell
    phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We're not made of some
    mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a
    challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make

    Answer by at 12:40 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 3. "At least he's not in Iraq."
    (This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are
    in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An
    international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

    4. "Do you think he'll get to come home for
    Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion,
    (Don't you watch the news? No! They don't get to come home for any of these
    things. Please don't ask again.)

    5. "What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he's gone?"
    (Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there's a military wife out
    there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her.
    For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves
    having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we
    don't get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always help

    Answer by at 12:40 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 6. "How much longer does he have until he can get out?"
    (This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or
    not. Many of our husbands aren't counting down the days until they "can" get
    out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually
    love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back b/c
    there is work that needs to be done.)

    7. "This deployment shouldn't be so bad, now that you're used to it."
    (Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you've
    gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to
    make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets "easy" and
    the bullets and bombs don't skip over our guys just because they've been
    there before. The worry never goes away.)

    Answer by at 12:42 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 8. "My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I
    totally know what you're going through."
    (This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband's three week
    trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. With a 12-15 month or more deployment to a
    war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your
    husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home
    pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial
    plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything
    with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to
    you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably
    resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few
    weeks business trip is like comparing a ****ty ford Taurus with Mercedes

    Answer by at 12:43 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 9. "Wow you must miss him?"
    (This one also gets another big "duh". Of course we miss our men. There are
    some wives who do not and they're now divorced.)

    10. "Where is he exactly? Where is that?"
    (I don't expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a
    map, but they should know by now that it's in Iraq. Likewise, know that
    Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Mutada al Sadr is the
    insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home
    area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located
    between Afghanistan and Iraq. These basic facts are not
    secrets, they're on the news every night and in the papers every day ---and
    on maps everywhere.)

    Answer by at 12:43 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 11. "Well, he signed up for it, so it's his own fault whatever happens over
    (Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to
    make stupid comments like that. He didn't sign up and ask to be hit by
    anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked
    me to tell you that "You're welcome." He's still fighting for your freedom.)

    12. "Don't you miss sex! I couldn't do it!"
    (hmmm, no i don't miss sex. i'm a robot. seriously...military spouses learn
    quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than
    sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their
    voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night.
    And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn't withstand 6-12
    months of sex deprivation.)

    Answer by at 12:44 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 13. "Well in my opinion....."
    (Stop right there. Yo, I didn't ask for you your personal political
    opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery
    store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I'm out with
    my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell
    co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running
    our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids,
    they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because
    we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so
    eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we're
    trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

    Answer by at 12:45 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • 14. "OH, that's horrible...I'm so sorry!"
    (He's doing his job and he's a badass. Don't be sorry. Be appreciative and
    please take a moment out of your comfortable lives to realize that
    our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

    Last but NOT all time favorite

    15. Your son's are in the army too? You should be used to it by now.
    (Okay Yes they are and no I am NOT used to IT..I am not used to my husband being gone
    for a year. I am not used to the IDEA that my sons are in the army. They are my babies.
    Don't say to me that I should be used to it by now because my spouse is in the army. No mother
    ever gets used to the idea that her child is in a war zone or gone or overseas..)

    If you want to say anything, say thank you. After all, we are sexually
    deprived for your freedom!!

    Answer by at 12:45 AM on Sep. 12, 2009

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