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Politely setting boundaries?

My husband and I are in the military and good child care is very hard to find. Our neighbor does child care out of her home and she's a very nice lady. I know that she takes wonderful care of our girls (we have a 3 year old and a 4 month old) but I have an issue with her doing things without asking me first. When my daughter was 3 months old, she gave her apple juice and water without asking me. She also didn't suggest a different type of formula until after she had already given it to her. Then after I told her about when I first tried giving her cereal, she mentioned that she was putting cereal in her bottle. I told her I'm against that because not only is it a choking hazard, but it's a solid food and shouldn't be in a bottle. Her excuse for all this is that she did it with her girls. What works for one child doesn't always work for another and it's upsetting. I don't want to be mean or rude. Am I in any way out of line?

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Asked by nicolemstacy at 6:58 PM on Sep. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,807 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • just tell her nicely you think she is s great mom and all you want is to be asked first.

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 7:00 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • You are not out of line, there are things that I have done with my kids when they were babies because I felt it was the right choice for us but I would never presume to do the same thing with someone else's child unless I talked to the parents first.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 7:08 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • If it's something you don't want her doing then just tell her be like "ok look this isn't what I do nor what I want done with my children and i'd appreciate if you didn't do this type of stuff without asking me first".. To be honest with you the stuff she is doing would make me forget about all of the "good" she may be doing and i'd honestly start looking for other childcare. People overstepping their boundaries when it comes to children tee me off to no end. Her giving your child all this crap is not only wrong but dangerous. What if she gives your child some sort of food that your child is allergic to but fails to tell you about it?

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 7:26 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • I'd have found someone else after the first incident.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • We all have our own way of doing things. Those of us who are older did just what she does. Tell her that you appreciate her but that from now on if she can't follow your rules you'll have to find someone else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Thank you all for your advice. When I was explaining to my husband why I was upset over all this, he said I'm just paranoid because I'm a new mom. Our three year old is my step-daughter but I look at her as being my own. Needless to say, I was livid with him for saying that! But again, thank you all so much. I feel better knowing that I am not wrong or overreacting with this. I will have a talk with her and let her know where I stand. I'm too timid and I need to change that. The only thing I was really forward about was the cereal. With the apple juice and everything, when I told her I wasn't comfortable with that, she looked at me like I was nuts and said she did it with her daughters and used to lie to the pediatrician about it and they turned out fine.....I'm getting out in May to be a student/stay at home mom, but maybe I should start looking somewhere else for the time being.

    Answer by nicolemstacy at 10:02 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

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