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My 9 yr old daughter seems to be lying about really silly things, what should I do? Do I discipline or let it go? I am starting to lose temper over silly stupid lies!

She lies about little details with homework assignments, or leaving info out that is important bc of an annoyance with what is important to her, she keeps making silly mistakes with following directions that usually she would follow perfectly! She is getting mouthy and rude and keeps info from me now almost like she is worried that I willbe angry...instead of just letting me know simple things that make our lives easier! whats up?

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CrystalMartin

Asked by CrystalMartin at 10:27 PM on Sep. 12, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (11)
  • No you don't ever let it go, because little stupid lies grow into big ones. You have to have consequences for her fibs
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:31 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • lying is usually a symptom of another issue. this may help you  http://webhome.idirect.com/~readon/lies.html

    JoyandLove

    Answer by JoyandLove at 10:33 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • i agree with zakysmommy!!
    2.tyme.mom-2-be

    Answer by 2.tyme.mom-2-be at 10:33 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • Sounds like she's turning into a teenager.
    I did the same thing when i was her age, and by the time i was a teenager i was lying about much bigger things. But discipline might push her further away. What you want to do is bring her back to you.

    I suggest sitting down with her and having a talk. Just listen. Ask her why she's been lying and then wait for a response. Then after she's explained it as best she can explain to her why you dont like it. (briefly). Then (with a piece of paper and a pencil) ask her what she can think of that would be a good solution to the problem. Write down all her suggestions. And write down your ideas too. then together decide what will work and what wont.
    At this time you might also want to ask her what kind of consequences that she thinks is appropriate for her behavior. She may have some ideas that you never thought of. GL!
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:35 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • GREAT article JoyandLove
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 10:37 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • I agree. Never let a lie go...regardless of how silly it seems. You might consider whether she has a new friend that has maybe influenced her new behavior. I only suggest this because my 9 y/o daughter went through a similar 'phase' a little while back. Luckily, the friendship didn't last very long. But through the entire ordeal, I made it a point to constantly remind my daughter that I'm a pain in her butt because I love her so much and that she should always tell me the truth. Because even though I might be mad at first, I'll be more mad and for alot longer WHEN (not if) I found out that she lied (or left some details out).
    bracketrat

    Answer by bracketrat at 10:42 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • The one thing you have to remember is as your daughter becomes a teenager and starts to go thru puberty her hormones are going to raging like crazy...you should know, you were there once...you do silly things like say your homeworks done when its not, I think we have all done it. YOu have to explain the changes she is going through, make her realize how normal they are. Basically the changes she is feeling is like how we women feel during pregnancy. Irritable and say anything to get people to leave us alone. The most important thing is to not yell and to make her see that you are there for her no matter what she is going through and you support everything she is going through and can help her through these weird times. My daughter is 11 and I am still going through all thses changes as well. Its tough, but you will get through and so will she, be sure to tell her that. It's ok to be a friend and a mother.
    mommy2ejdnh

    Answer by mommy2ejdnh at 4:10 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Talk to her about telling the truth and how important it is.  Here are some books on honesty http://astore.amazon.com/wwwcjkidzcom3-20?%5Fencoding=UTF8&node=18  to reinforce your conversation.


    If you think she might lie about something...look her in the eye, tell her you are going to ask her a question, but before she answers, you want her to "think about" her answer before she replies.


    Let her suffer the natural consequence of her lie (i.e. if she lies about having homework done, and gets a bad grade.....punish her for the bad grade.  Calmly say "I'm not sure why you got this bad grade, you said you've been working so hard on your homework")


     

    momjs

    Answer by momjs at 5:57 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Silly things (lies) will lead up to bigger things (lies). Start cracking the whip. LOL

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • As parents we don't like them, but the fact is that these kinds of lies are actually normal. She is lying to get out of doing something she doesn't want to do, or to avoid getting in trouble for something she has or hasn't done....That doesn't mean that we let it go or allow it, but just that we plan for it, knowing that it will happen. I know it sounds strange but when kids go through this lying phase, stop asking them questions if you can anticipate it is something they might lie about. Approach the situation from another direction instead. When a child starts lying, you don't want to reward it by believing the lies or by giving the lies a lot of power.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 7:37 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

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