Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

do you think that they ahould change the laws when it comes to a birthmother doing her paper work to place?

in most of the states the bm will do her papers 48 to 72 hours after having the child.most people involed push for her to do so. i feel like there should be a longer time frame before the bm even thinks about doing the papers.(by law)i feel like she should have 6 weeks to do them by law. that they should take away the 48 - 72 hour law and make it longer.maybe then there will be enough time for her to make sure it is right.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:39 PM on Sep. 12, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (31)
  • A lot of bmoms don't want that kind of time. It just makes it harder to do what they would already do. Not to mention there have been SEVERAL moms who changed their mind during the 72 hours.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 PM on Sep. 12, 2009

  • You are confusing two issues: the bmom does paperwork 48 to 72 hours after birth but in each state that means something different. In many states, they sign at 48 hours but that signature is not binding for a while, sometimes 30 to 60 days. For practical reasons, there has to be some signature at time of the discharge from the hosptial because someone has to pay the hospital bills and the hospital doesnt want to wait 6 weeks to see who is paying them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • When I signed My papers I actually waited two extra days after the 72 There were some other isues but I think When the BM is ready shell sign them Granted I dont think she should be able to drag the process out but to have a reasonable time
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:34 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Dont condemn a mother for not going through with an adoption! unfair.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:20 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • As an adoptive parent, I totally agree. I think they should have more time. And I don't think they should sign at the hospital. They still have meds on board, etc. Even after 48 hours. I think they should sign when they are ready. If the mother wants the adoptive parent/parents to take the child from the hospital upon discharge, then I do agree with a simple permission letter being signed for the adoptive parents to take the child. But that's even pushing it for me. Maybe moms considering adoption could use cradle care?? I don't know. I don't have all the solutions. But I don't like the social workers standing around like vultures waiting for a signature. Ugh! I don't think that I would be very happy if a mom didn't really want to place her baby but did it anyway because of pressure. I don't think I could go through with it if she was having second thoughts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • At 48 hours there are no meds on board

    there is no such thing as a "simple permission letter". When you are talking about the life of a child, there is no "simple" document.

    There are no social workers waiting around for a signature, instead there are social workers, hospital staff and attnys telling the bmom that she doesnt have to go through it with. There is so much effort not to exert any kind of pressure that it is actually difficult to place.

    Our child's bmom was so pressured into parenting that she was told that if she signed, the baby wouldnt go to us and would go to foster care. She had to have our attny explain that the adoption plan she had set up would actually occur.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:46 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • They made me sign a bunch of papers as soon as he was born allowing the adoptive parents to make medical decision for my son.. it was like.. I already didn't have a choice.. you know?

    Then when it was time for both of us, my son and I, to be discharged my lawyer handed me the documents I was going to have to sign in court. As soon as I read the line stating I was agreeing to terminate my rights to Baby Boy ----.. I started bawling.. my lawyer just looked at me then snatch the papers out of my hand, and reminded me, "This is an act of love, it's nothing to be ashamed over."

    He was born the moring of June 30th, and I relinquished my rights July 3rd. It was plenty of "time".. but when I left the hospital it was almost as if it was already done.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 3:33 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Anon above my previous answer- that is exactly where you are wrong. It may have been that way for the birthmother of your child, but not EVERY birthmom.

    I was still on meds after 48 hours, and especially birthmothers that had a C-section. Nobody was telling me I didn't have to go through with it, infact, I was alone most of the time at the hospital. It was awful. All I had were my thoughts telling me that i had to go through with this...

    My mother was also a complete bitch to me the entire time.. like I was such an emotianl burden on her. You know, the day the lawyer was coming to the hospital.. about 10 hours after I gave birth.. I started bawling.. crying and crying.. My mom went to my doctor and told him I was suffering from post-partum depression and to please prescribe me some anti-depressants.. And the stupid idiot believed her w/o even talking to me. My nurses were also saying that I was doing the right thing..
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 3:43 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • and I wasn't in a place to raise my son, especially at 19.

    They made me feel like shit. Not to mention they also placed me in a room that was no bigger than a closet. My TV didn't work and my iPod was dead. I had nothing but my thoughts to listen to, and the thoughts of my nurses.. which weren't pleasant at all.

    Not to mention this was only a little over 2 years ago... It was just awful.. awful..

    I was crying because I was terrified.. I was so scared.. I was losing my child.. I wasn't ready for it at all.
    rainfalls

    Answer by rainfalls at 3:45 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • In my state you have 48 hrs till women are expected to sign.If the document does not include that relinquishment is final women have 10 days to revoke consent.Hmmm wonder if most form include that or not.Never are you required to talk with a lawyer or any amount of counseling and all counselling my be provided by the agency.There is a list of things counseling should include but the agency reports what was included.Also the state ranks as to importance the following of regulations and if non-compliance would cause penalties.Not following regulations for counseling of expectant women considering adoption is medium low in importance.The state it self refers to all women contacting an agency as birthmother even in describing services before adoption.So yes there needs to be lots of laws changed.What I don't understand is why people object to changing the laws?

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 4:42 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN