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What is worse, wanting and desiring a child, and not being able to have one, or having one, even though it wasn't desired, but you still know they are a blessing?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:11 AM on Sep. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • They can't be compared to be honest with you..

    When someone gets pregnant even though the pregnancy wasn't desired as long as the child is cared for and loved I don't see how that can be bad. It may not be ideal but you do what you have to do.

    Not being able to have a child obviously is very heartbreaking and detrimental on so many different levels.

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 12:19 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I have an unplanned child. I was 16. I love him more than anything, even though he was a suprise. If that is what you mean, I think it would be HARDER to want and not have. I don't see having my son as a bad thing.
    That is like a huge house. I may not want one but if I had it I wouldn't complain. If I desperately wanted a mansion and didn't have it, it would be worse.

    Answer by OwensMama824 at 12:19 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Sorry, it's not exactly like a house. That's just an example.

    Answer by OwensMama824 at 12:20 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • It is just that my dh is considering a vasectomy, but I am still unsure if I want more kids or not. Right now I am scared to death to have one, and I refuse to use ABC and I can't get into NFP. We are tired of using condoms too. But, if he has a vasectomy, what happens if I want another?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • A vasectomy can be reversed. There is always a chance that it won't work though(the reversal) Even with a vasectomy there is a very slight chance of getting pregnant, some little sperm can sneak their way through. It happened to my uncle.

    Answer by OwensMama824 at 12:26 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Thank you Owensmama. That is what I am afraid of. What if I really want another one someday, and we can't. We already have our hands full with the children we have though. It is a hard decision.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:29 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • you rockKalebsMommee, you said it perfectly!


    Answer by Wildkitten82 at 12:30 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I don't envy you. Maybe try the IUD route.

    Answer by lstrickland at 1:35 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I don't think you can compare these things. First of all, just because a child is unplanned doesn't mean they are unwanted. When you say "unwanted", even though the parent still knows the child is a blessing, is like saying "I know this would be good for someone else, but it's not good for me - I don't want it" (btw, to use your example, I don't want a mansion, and if I was given one, no, I wouldn't consider it a blessing. At this time of my life, it would be more of a burden.)

    So to have an UNWANTED (again, as opposed to unplanned) child is a horribly sad situation for everyone - especially the child. Everyone deserves to be wanted!


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:06 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • cont

    Now, to keep a child that you don't WANT, is, like I said, sad all around, but it's also selfish. You should give the child away, imo.

    On the other hand, I know the pain that loved ones have gone through who can't have kids. It's a yearning that's indescribable. But, on the other hand, there are so many ways to become a mother besides the physical act of giving birth. You can adopt or be a foster parent. So many children need love! (Often those that were unwanted, as mentioned above). So, while it might not be the path that they wanted to travel to their goal of parenthood, it's still a path to consider.


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:10 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

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