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She is a bad parent. Would you still be friends with her?

First off, we are both young moms. She just turned 18 and I am 19. She has a son who is almost two. We have known eachother since sixth grade. Well I guess in the back of my mind, ever since she became a mom, I have felt really disgusted by her. She treats her son like crap. She never changes his diaper when she is supposed to (we were at the mall and i smelled poop on him the entire time, but she only changed in once i kept saying something), he is an absolute mess from head to toe (dirty clothes, stains, food all over his face), and she doesnt really interact with him, never says anything nice or even talk to him. I am so much the opposite. I love my baby and I take good care of her, I make sure her diaper is never wet, I clean up after her, I take pride in how she looks, and I constantly try to talk to her and teach her things.
Ive known her so long, but I dont think I can put up with it anymore. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:40 AM on Sep. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (28)
  • You do what you think is best. I would choose to not be around her.
    meandmyshadow

    Answer by meandmyshadow at 1:49 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • since you've known her so long, and its a point where you are done w/it. you could make a last ditch effort and ask her if she needs help? maybe shes overwhelmed too much and still hasn't figured out how to be mommy. (not an excuse but there may be a reason you don't know) if she makes no effort at all to change, tell her you just can't be around her with the way she treats her son. theres no way to end things nicely since you've been friends so long and her parenting is the reason.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 1:50 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I found that I learned more than I wanted to know about a few friends over the years... it was sometimes quite a surprise to me that friends had such different approaches to children.

    Mostly, with folks like this I found that whatever we had once had in common had faded in importance and other things became more important to me. So, quite naturally, we drifted apart --not the least because they had the same reaction to me and my mothering. It was just too different to spend huge chunks of time together.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:58 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Honestly, I'd make an anonymous tip to the Child Protective Services.
    SarahLeeMorgan

    Answer by SarahLeeMorgan at 2:11 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • you are 19 and she's 18? thats the prolem. you kids seem to think you can take care of anothr human being when you cant even take care of yourselfs.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • how old is your baby? She aslo has a 2 yr old BOY! I have friends who have 2 yr olds and they are always dirty! Mine as well!! Wiping a face is a much harder task along with a 2 yr old, not to mention a boy! I do agree a poopy diaper needs to be changed immediately but everyone has different parenting styles and also you both are very young! If your's isn't 2, it is hard to understand why they can't be cleaned.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:21 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • you are 19 and she's 18? thats the prolem. you kids seem to think you can take care of anothr human being when you cant even take care of yourselfs.


    ditto
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:25 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Maybe give her tips. And yes it is possible for a 2 year old to be clean, maybe not all the time, but if I take my son to the mall, he's fairly clean.

    Talk to her about it. Offer to help her or maybe talk to the babys father or mabye your friends parents.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 2:33 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • You know I don't care how old you are or young. You have stepped up to the plate and you sound like you are doing the job of parenting and your friend isn't doing so well. I would make a call if you feel that it is at that point that she may need someone else to step in and give her a hand call CPS. other then that is there a family member of hers that you can talk to about this? I would maybe go that root if you are able to. GL

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • people sure do sucker punch on CM. The point is, you already have your babies so no nasty comment made by some bitchy mom who thinks she is better than any one else will change anything...so anons, SHUT UP.

    If you are such good friends then try being totally honest. I know that if it were my best friend, I would pick up her kid and say "fine, if you arent going to change him, I will." If she objected, I would tell her to quit being selfish and then decide if I wanted to pursue the friendship.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 2:53 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

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