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I want to leave but don't know how...

I am a SAHM with a semi abusive husband. He has hit me twice in 10 years, hit my three year old about 7 times and yells at my baby. He is a nice guy most of the time. Most of the time it is good. He is a good father/husband. Though I feel the need to escape after what he did to my daughter a month ago. He slapped her for biting him. Here's the catch. I am not sure HOW to escape! I have no money and NO income. DH brings in all the money and all the money goes out to bills. There is no way to escape if I have to have money. How do I get away without needing money to do it? I can't go to family because I still want them to think good things about him. He is not too bad of a guy. He just needs to try to change after I leave and if he doesn't then I am gone for good. Any ideas on how to get away?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:13 AM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • So you do not have any family or friends to turn to?
    Your two children are not his children?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:16 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I was in the exact same situation, but I had 3 kids. I just did it. Told him I am filing for divorce. Counseling didn't help!!! He said I was the one with the problem. Anyway, you go to your family court commissioner, and start the paper work for child support immediately!!!! Get those kids out of that!
    My3RaysofSun

    Answer by My3RaysofSun at 8:19 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • They are his children. My family is just as poor as I if not poorer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I have no friends who would help me out in this situation. I have no reall good friends and I don't want to be a burden n anyone. With me having no income I don't know what to do....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Is there a shelter for battered women in your area? Look into that. You CAN NOT stay! Your children are going to grow up emotionally scarred and chances are they will think that what he is doing to you is okay. It is not. Stand up for yourself. Make yourself heard. Be a mother and protect your children. Please don't be another statistic.

    I have seen first hand what a situation like this can become if you stay any longer. Please get help, please.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • The truth is (reading between your lines) You're not ready to leave. You're daydreaming and romanticizing it - You're stuck in "Most of the time" mode. And you are protecting him over your children and yourself.
    I hear all the normal (almost 1st stage excuses coming from you). Right now you're in the honeymoon phase, which always comes after a storm. There is a build up, then the storm, then a honeymoon. You know the fight is coming - you can feel it as the tension in him begins to rise (build up) then he hits (explosion), and after is the honeymoon (when he's sorry and everything gets calm for a little while (usually out of shame and guilt)
    You'll leave when the pain of staying becomes greater than the fear of leaving. You have some work to do - and I suggest for your childrens sake you get a counselor - QUICK - you need to face it, deal with it and do something about it. Hurry before your kids gets hurt bad.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 8:58 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • If you stay you will be keeping your children in a violent environment where you cannot protect them. They will either grow up to think that hitting is normal and accept it from their own abusive partner, or they will figure it out and hold you responsible for not doing what you should have to protect them from the violence. Either way, staying will have the negative impact on their lives.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I agree with PaceMyself, us women can be really emotional creatures and its hard for us to actually get up and do it. When you know you are ready to leave, you will find a way. Dealing with my situation for the past 4 years, I have given up all hope of DH changing. I'm focusing on myself and my children and working towards a better financial situation for us.
    Princefan6684

    Answer by Princefan6684 at 9:27 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Most of the time he's a good guy?....most of the time doesn't cut it! Get out however you can! Wake up too! He is hitting and yelling at your babies....for being kids! That's insane. Find a women's shelter. If there isn't one directly in your town(and I wouldn't suggest staying in your town anyway), call one outside of the area. Sometimes they will come pick you up and help you leave. Do not worry about things...i.e. clothes, belongings, etc. Take what you are wearing. Leave everything else. That is where most women get caught by their abusive spouses. The shelter will help you. Then go apply for emergency food stamps, wic, and anything else that you can get from the state. The state will also help you will shelter, etc. Either way, leave now!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:53 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-SAFE (7233)
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 10:51 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

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