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Bringing up Girls???

I am reading Bringing Up Boys by Dr. Dobson. I had two boys and then a girl... he implies repeatedly that boys have a tougher time finding identity in today's world and that they are the ones that are more trouble if not correctly led. I am finding so many issues with this book. If we raise our daughters wrong, wont THEY be the ones creating new lives and perpetuating that cycle? Our lives as women are very confusing now. He points to women finally realizing that they'd bitten off more than they could chew with work and home. Um... This life is nothing I bit off, it's the plate that was dished up for me. I was blessed to have a husband who suggested I stay home with our kids because I had been RAISED not to. Is there a book about girls in today's world? And should I keep reading this? The affirmation on what I am doing right with our sons is great but it keeps belittling the things my daughter will go through...

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CooksWife

Asked by CooksWife at 11:52 AM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 5 (59 Credits)
Answers (24)
  • That all depends. If his book is meant to raise a boy that is both respective and productive, knows how to treat his mother and other women, including how to look for a woman as a potential wife and not a sex object, than I would say his book, in the end, will also help women. Yes, a woman doesn't have a lot of choices in life (STILL) today. My thoughts are that SAHM will eventually find that they, too, have to get out and work. It's the only potential for our countries today. If you remember, or have studied about the Great Depression, all the SAHM willingly left the homes to go help out and earn money for their children, while their husband were away. Welfare, HUH! They were too proud to do that. Women degrade themselves by SAHM and living off welfare.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Wow... that was so not the response I was expecting. And I totally disagree with you that women degrade themselves. That is an entirely different conversation though. I guess I don't see much difficulty in discerning what boys should be like... But girls, what do we teach them? I want my daughter to know that she can do anything in this world that she aspires to but I don't want her to face the identity myself and so many of my friend have. Most women think that they only worth they bring to the table in a family is financially and that simply isn't the case. But how do I teach my daughter that, and help her prepare for life without limiting her ambitions?

    CooksWife

    Answer by CooksWife at 12:07 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • first answer of anony1058 sounds reasonable except for final sentence no matter how she meant what she wrote, the words she typed are false.

    Obviously not all sahm's are on welfare. If you're not happy being a sahm then get either a parttime paying job or fulltime or do volunteer work. Perhaps if you're in a church or temple, if you've no tamily members to watch your kids, then someone older from church or temple could?

    I have a son and daughter in their twenties and a teen daughter and i've been a sahm since my son was born and I still am. We can afford it, that's why I'm at home. If we could not I would'v been earning money. Children learn from what u teach them and reinforce at home from what they pick up from friends and kids in public places - playgrounds, sports, schools, churches.

    If u believe yr own beliefs of selfrespect and respect to others is the best, whether r not yr a stay at home mom,reinforce inhome.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 12:12 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Well I've never liked Dr Dobson for that reason. But that's beside the point. A book all about raising boys is great, but if it belittles things that girls go through then just take it with a grain of salt. Take what you can from it and ignore the rest. I'm not sure about any faith based books on raising girls. The only ones I've read are Queen Bees and Wanna Be's and Reviving Ophelia. Those are a pretty harsh look at the things girls go through though. I have 4 girls and I'm trying to instill in them that men and women are equal. Not in the sense that everyone traditionally thinks of, but in the sense that we all have to struggle to find our own identity, men and women. Life is a difficult road and we will make mistakes, but as long as you learn from them and move forward then you'll be fine. That's what I tell my girls at least.

    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:13 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • A book that makes me second guess myself like that would do nothing more than irritate and infuriate me. I would choose to stop reading it and find something else to read instead.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:13 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Self respect is the greatest gift we can give both boys and girls. Young people with self respect will in turn respect others and will make good choices. They may not always make the correct choices, but they will make better decisions than kids without self respect. Do whatever you can to give them confidence to go out in the world and make it on their own, whatever they choose to do.

    anime_mom619

    Answer by anime_mom619 at 12:16 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I was not taught selfrespect when I was a child or teen. That is what I focused on, similar to what you said about your husband, op. I wanted to stay at home because of how differently I was brought up.

    I've taught and still teach my kids that their thoughts, their hopes, dreams, bad times are all a part of life. But love of one's self and respect of others' different thoughts and ways is mandatory to have selfrespect and give respect.

    Just listen to your daughters dreams - don't wipe them out. Let her build,how old is she? My teen is now in a world and my older two -soon enterring college and two finishing college in a bad recession. Now I'm redirecting my teen and older two to the world that sometimes we can't get what we want just because we've worked for it. But no matter self respect and respect of others is better as humans than hatred of ourselves and our lots in life and others.

    Encourage afterschool growth. 4H
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 12:19 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • OP, I FEEL THE SAME WAY, I DISAGREE WITH WOMEN DEGRADING THEMSELVES BY LIVING ON WELFARE OR OTHERWISE. I HAVE TWO GROWN GIRLS, AND THE ONE THING I ALWAYS EMPHASIZED ON WAS EDUCATION AND HOW THEY CAN ACHIEVE ANY GOAL THEY WANT. TOLD THEM THERE WAS NO LIMIT TO WHAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF ACHIVING, NO GOAL TOO HIGH, AND GO FROM THERE.
    I ALSO EMPHASIZED THAT BEING A STAY AT HOME MOM IS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY, EVEN MORE IMPORTANT THAT GOING OUT THERE AND MAKING A LIVING FINANCIALLY, I MYSELF HAVE OFTEN FELT AT ONE POINT THAT MY WORTH WAS MEASURED IN MONEY BUT AS I GREW OLD AND WISER, I REALIZED THAT MY "DOMESTIC ENGINEER" JOB WAS PRICELESS.
    older

    Answer by older at 12:20 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • op, clubs that either or both on weekends or after school enforce ability and selfrespect are good for girls and boys too - i've had my kids in 4H, scouts, public library activities, sports, - they're all at very low cost or free.
    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 12:21 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I despise that book. It was given to me by someone who hadn't read it, but had just heard about it. I question anyone whose main goal is to raise a good upstanding homophobe.
    NotPanicking

    Answer by NotPanicking at 12:34 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

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