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How do you tell your best friend she's a slut without hurting her feelings?

I won't go into details but lately my friend has just been downright disgusting me. To the point where when she says "I have a story to tell you" I just don't even care to ask what it is because it gets worse everytime. She has a young daughter with no father which just makes her actions so much worse. You'd think that since she's my friend I could just tell her how I feel but I tend to be a bit too terse and I'm not the type to sit and have a heartfelt conversation. Any advice on how to tell her I think she's stupid without telling her I think shes stupid?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:26 PM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • She's not slutty. She just has a self esteem problem and is lonely not to mention confusing sex with love. For some people sex is the only thing they have with the opposite sex and they think what they are getting is ok until Mr Right comes along. A few years ago I sort of went nuts myself but my family and friends didn't cut me loose. They just reminded me of how important I am to them and they didn't want to see me die of AIDS or get my throat slit by some stranger I met online for sex. After a while they built up my self esteem enough for me to see they were right. What I was doing was dangerous and I stopped. I'm only with one man now but he's not always around so I have to fill up my time with other things than sex with other men. Try helping her stay busy without men and keep telling her she's good and should treat herself better than allowing men to use her like that.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:35 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Sometimes you just have to sit down and lay it all out there. Start out by telling her you aren't saying this to hurt her feelings, but are worried for her and her child. Then get right to the point.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 12:30 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Start the conversation by asking her what is going on with her...and then tell her that you are concerned for her well being and also about what kind of example she is setting for her young daughter. You may have to be blunt, but that is how it goes sometimes.
    MansfieldMomma

    Answer by MansfieldMomma at 12:32 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Nope! if she is truly your best friend you need to be honest and tell her like it is. She may be hurting inside for whatever reason and just does these disgusting things for attention or to hurt herself more. You should really try to have that heart to heart and find out what's going on with her also let her know that you care for her and the child and your concerned, but it's not ok. She needs to get it together and if you can help in anyway your there for her.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Maybe your friends sex life is her business. I once made a comment to my best friend about her cheating on her boyfriend a long time ago, we were in another country, but she got pissy. So I decided it is none of my business. If my friends wanna sleep around...its there business. At the time there were no kids involved though. It's hard to say, if they are really close to you. Some things or views can change a friendship forever. that is my opinion.
    mommylovesu28

    Answer by mommylovesu28 at 12:35 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • This is an observation not a complaint op. Really best friends are there for their friends in good and bad times and talk to them about anything and everything. If you can't calmly, respectfully for your friend's daughter bring up your worries then maybe you're not really her Best friend.

    Even though it's hard for you just tell her you love her so much and most of all her daughter and you're concerned about whatever it is. Don't tell her in a restaurant or mall incase she reacts badly. Maybe have a girls night out of cooking dinner together while her daughter's watched by some one else?

    lfl

    Answer by lfl at 12:38 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • She's not slutty. She just has a self esteem problem and is lonely not to mention confusing sex with love. For some people sex is the only thing they have with the opposite sex and they think what they are getting is ok until Mr Right comes along. A few years ago I sort of went nuts myself but my family and friends didn't cut me loose. They just reminded me of how important I am to them and they didn't want to see me die of AIDS or get my throat slit by some stranger I met online for sex. After a while they built up my self esteem enough for me to see they were right. What I was doing was dangerous and I stopped. I'm only with one man now but he's not always around so I have to fill up my time with other things than sex with other men. Try helping her stay busy without men and keep telling her she's good and should treat herself better than allowing men to use her like that.

    Enough said.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 12:39 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Make comments to her that give her a little self respect and self worth.
    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 12:42 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I would let her know that you are worried for her well-being. She could get date raped or a horrible std. I think you need to have a heartfelt conversation with her because you will feel guilty if something bad happens to her and you said nothing. ya know?
    lowencope

    Answer by lowencope at 12:50 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Why is this your business? If her stories bother you, then thats a problem for you not her. Tthe next time she goes to say something, stop her and say "I am sorry to interrupt and I am not saying this to hurt your feelings, bt your stories bother me and make me worry about your wellbeing. I love you bt I cannot hear these stories anymore, they really bother me." That way you dont have to hear these stories anymore, and she will still know your opinion. Just remember, it isnt you job to fix what you percieve as her problems. I am not trying to be rude but just giving you my opinion and advice and I can tell you care about her, but what you see as disgsting and a problem may be an important lesson in her life. Also, if a guy friend were doing it, would you give the same advice?
    NightOwlMama

    Answer by NightOwlMama at 4:28 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

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