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He tells another woman he loves her...

So the father of my unborn child and I have been together for a year and seven months. We are expecting a little girl any day now. He recently found out that he might have possibly fathered a little boy with his ex. She tells me that she has a boyfriend and that she hates that my boyfriend talks to her. But she doesn't act like it bothers her when she talks to him. She told me yesterday that he tells her he loves her and that he wants to be with her and she says she tells him he needs to be here for our daughter. She also says he says that he is only with me for the baby and that he doesn't know if he really loves me. That is just the beginning of things she had to tell me. When I first asked him about it he refused to talk about it saying she was lying. Then today he told me that he was willing to say whatever he had to to stay off child support (since he can't find a job) as long as she lets him see her son. What do I do?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Trust yourself! I've been in that spot when I was 8 months pregnant with my first child. The girl says that he said that he still loves her and always will...he says that he said that he would always care for her. Shit is shit and it runs out of everyones mouth. He might say those things, and she might beef it up. If it is his son, whitch it sounds like it's not a sure thing...then he has to talk to her. But I would make it to where you are there when they do talk. He shouldn't be around her long enough to say that he still loves her. My husband said he wasn't to happy with me either...but who did he marry. Ask him to keep things short and sweet, ex girlfriends always love thier ex's, and even if they don't want to be with don't was us to have them either. Just watch yourself. I ask my husband who does he thing he would have married if not me...and he said that b-t-hs name. Nip it in the butt while U can

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 4:08 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Maybe you should've thought about this before having a child with a dead beat who will say anything to stay off of childsupport! And no job? Please, grow up. Hes a player and your just the latest idiot hes conned.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:57 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • If he said he loves her and wants to be with her. There's a big sign for you. Let him go. No matter what he says, no man should ever say that to the women there with. And he is going to end up on child support either way. So let the bum get a job. Even though the ecomony is bad there are plenty of jobs.

    Answer by PrincessSmasher at 4:00 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • So why are you still with the dead beat bum? Kick the bum out he doesn't love you. And never will! And make him pay child support for your kid too, he is an arshole! I agree with the first answer! AND yOU SHOULD TOO.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Well... to an extent, i agree with anon - but not nearly that harshly... Yes, he does sound like a player... but that's about all I agree with. With the economy the way it is, it's hard finding a job.
    With that said, did he do a DNA test? It's all supposed right now, from the way you worded things, or I could be mistaken. He needs to find out FOR SURE that this is his son.
    And you need to tell him that he needs to stop "saying whatever it takes to get off child support" that's ridiculous. Not implying anything, but... what if that were you later on down the road? You don't mess with 2 women just to "beat the system."
    I would think long and hard about your relationship with him, see if it's worth it. and if you honestly see yourself with him for any long period of time.
    Good luck.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 4:04 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • How much do you truly, utterly trust your BF? If you trust him completely, then I would say that the ex is telling you this to stir up trouble - perhaps she wants him back? It seems odd that she would tell him he's the father after all this time, so I'm leaning towards this answer. However, in all honesty, I can't say I care for the answers he's giving you, either. Unfortunately, this certainly comes at a very bad time, this information. My first instinct is to take a breather, stay with a friend or family member - but since you're due any day, this will be difficult. What do you think he would do if you asked him to leave for a while, stay with a friend or family member until this mess gets sorted out? And yes, I understand that it is very difficult for a single mom, especially in regards to money - but you need to watch out for YOU and YOUR daughter, do what is best for the two of you.

    Answer by edcmyangels at 4:04 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • **I ASKED THE QUESTION**--I think this chick is out to destroy us. She refused to have anything to do with him until she found out from a mutual friend that he had another kid on the way and that he was living with me. Now all of a sudden she has to talk to him everyday and insists that he come spend time with her son. She is also totally against a DNA test. She said she doesn't need one because she knows that little boy is his. He has a three year old little girl that he never gets to see and the mother refuses child support. So he's afraid that if he doesn't give this other girl what she needs to hear it will turn out the same way. I've told him that I refuse to raise a family around this sort of confusion and unstable surroundings but he thinks I'm just trying to keep his daughter from him. He won't let me move out but he won't go anywhere. This situation is about to cost him more than he realizes but somehow I feel guilty.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • So I have a few questions you need to ask yourself:
    1. Why are you talking to his exgf? Is she a friend of yours? Why should you even have contact with her? (I have found in most cases its so an ex. can make trouble)
    2. Has he lied to you before?
    3. does SHE have a history of lieing or making trouble? She might be a drama llama and trying to start some between you.
    4. when he has a job will he be willing to pay child support?
    Since he didn't take off the min you found out your prego, I am not willing to label him a deadbeat yet. Give him a chance. I would also suggest as soon as you can you get him to get the other kiddo DNA tested. But even if its not his, does he love the kid? If so does it matter? My hubbys cousins found out a couple years ago that their dad wasn't really. He is still the one who raised them, took care of them, and is walking them down the aisle at their wedding.

    Answer by auroura at 4:17 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • SHE is not out to destroy what sounds like a bad relationship to begin with. It sounds more like HE is out to finish it off. Why is he talking to her to begin with? Wanting to see the baby doesn't require him to tell her he loves her and doesn't require him talking about you and how he feels about you. He shows that he's a liar and can't be trusted but for goodness sakes quit having children with a man like that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Don't feel guilty! Did you make him come in other women? He NEEDs to get a test done, cause you don't need that crap. It is soooo easy to take a man away from his lady...or at least get him to mess around! This girl needs to be out of ya'll life. If it is his son...then you just have to make sure that they behave themselves...but is she files for child support there will have to be a test. I say make him get a test or leave. It's not good to stay in they situation.

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 4:22 PM on Sep. 13, 2009