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How do I avoid being like my parents were?

Thanks for all of your input.
8 weeks and counting! Im getting more excited haha. Still terrified, but I guess its getting better. My family life hasn't been exactly desirable...(my mom left my father, little brother, and me when I was 9 *my brother was 2* and my dad started drinking and doing drugs, became insanely abusive, and laughed every time he hit my brother or me. I have decided that when I turn 18, Im going to try to adopt my little brother *now 10* so he can have a better chance at life. So far, everything is good. The social worker says as long as I keep my job and I get a decent appartment, hes as good as mine, which we are both very happy about.)...I don't want that life for my baby. Sure, raising 2 kids as a teen will be hard, but I love my brother like a son and hes excited to have a baby around the house.
My question is, how do I avoid doing to my baby what my parents did to us?


Asked by BabyMama241 at 6:00 PM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Health

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Answers (4)
  • You are doing the first thing, realizing that you don't want to be like your parents. It sounds like you had to grow up fast, and have a strong head on your shoulders. You are right, it won't be easy but I think you can do it. Make sure you have a strong support system. That there is someone you can go to for help, to answer questions, and to give you a break. Your brother is lucky to have such a loving and caring big sister. I think you 2 (and your baby will be just fine.) It wouldn't hurt for you to take some parenting classes and child development classes. Have you and your brother gone through counseling? It may not be a bad idea. I wish you all the best.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:05 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Its pretty simple - you just don't do it. When it comes to your children and their safety/well being nothing should stop you from making sure they have nothing but the best. Money has nothing to do with it...don't do drugs, and don't allow people into your house/around your children that do drugs. Don't hit your children, and don't ever get with a man that thinks its OK for him to hit your children. When times get rough, don't abandon your kids. They are with you for life.

    Just the fact that you are concerned and looking for advise on how to NOT be like them tells me that you will do just fine.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 6:05 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I suspect that your mother was also a teen parent. Parenting classes would be very helpful for you, because it sounds like you may not have a strong role model.
    Kids are expensive: clothes, food, diapers, school supplies, college; the list is never ending. Good luck to all of you.

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:31 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • You are YOU, not them. You learned from their mistakes so you know what not to do. Make sure you have a support system (friends, church, school etc) for when things get overwhelming. Take time for yourself even if it's just a hot bath after everyone is in bed. Take things one at a time. Don't try to do too much. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If things make you angry or upset, walk away and cool off before you say or do anything you will regret. Take all the parenting classes you can take. Educate yourself on all that you can. Never be afraid to ask questions. My parents were good people but not good parents imo so I took parenting classes and classes on child psychology. I wanted to be a great mom and didn't want to depend on what I learned from my own parents. You can do this. Just go slow and think things through. Never forget what you've been through so you never have to go back down that path again.Believe in yourself

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:01 PM on Sep. 13, 2009