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So how do you fix a bad situation?

The father of my child is not a very good person morally... he's manipulative and doesn't seem to care who he hurts as long as he gets his way. And he's really good at hiding things. However he is also really good at making me feel like I'm the one doing things wrong. He says "You nag too much. You don't do enough around here. Thats why I am the way I am." Or something like that. He hasn't had a job for over a year. I have been working at the same place since last October (he was the reason why I had lost my previous job... I didn't have a car and he was constantly making me late to work considering I had to rely on him there was no way around it.) I have been paying the bills by myself and doing the laundry and making sure the house has all the essentials. On top of supporting his cig and beer habit. Not to mention I'm nine months pregnant. But he says I'm lazy. I want to fix our relationship... It's hard to just leave...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:11 PM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Reread what you wrote. Why on earth would you want to stay with him?

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:14 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • You can't fix someone that don't want to be fixed, he is talking trash to you just to make you feel bad so that way he covers up his own lazy ass, don't support a dead beat, get rid of him and save the money you spend on his bad habbits for your new baby or buy something nice for your self, run cuz you will be better of without him. Good luck and God Bless

    Answer by looovemybabies at 7:25 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I agree, why would you want to fix what obviously isn't working in the first place and doesn't sound like he even wants to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:26 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I felt trapped in a relationship like that for over 9 years. I finally had enough. And honestly, I have never felt more at ease and peaceful inside than now. I still wonder in the back of my head if we could truly work things out. The I come back to reality and the answer is "No". You just got to take the bull by the horns, so to speak, and move on. And yes, I know, easier said than done, but you will reward yourself for it later.

    Answer by auntj at 7:29 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • i ditto the 1st post!!!

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:50 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • wow your a much more tolerant person than I!!! Relationships are about 50-50 give and take and it sounds like you are giving and he is taking. I suppose i can respect wanting to keep a family together but first things first you need to get yourselves into some sort of counseling. He needs to realize what hes doing is wrong. Whether you guys can actually work things out is going to ultimatly depend on if he wants to put forth the effort to fix it. your already doing everything you can to keep your family together.
    Fair warning though: when you rock the boat, if he isnt prepared to make any changes, He may just decide to end the relationship to find another woman who will put up with him and cater to him the way he wants.

    Honestly I personally wouldnt put up with that crap for a week much less months and months.

    Answer by SaturnsMom at 8:03 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I can understand your frustration. You have every right to feel the way you do right now and for the moment you may feel "stuck" and like a servant to this man. You also have a right, however, to be happy as does your child. You need to ask yourself some serious questions and really really answer truthfully these serious questions:

    1. Am I truly happy?
    2. Do I think there is a possibility I can "change" him?
    3. Is fear the reason I choose to stay with him and allow him to treat me as poorly as he does?

    I'm not trying to upset you. I've been where you are. It's horrible. But in life there are always options. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. You are enabling him to treat you this way. You need to stop. After the baby is born, apply for public housing or if you make enough that you can support the baby and yourself with help of friends/family get out.

    Seriously. Good luck. i wish you the best.

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 10:12 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • hmmm...Was he like this before you had sex with him and foolishly brought a child into this world???


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:23 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • He is making you insecure, and you probably wont leave until you look at your beautiful baby and realize that your baby deserves better. That is what I did. Who is going to pay the bills if you get put on bedrest? Does he care enough? NO!! If he loved you and his unborn child he would contribute, he wants you to think you need him. And you dont. Nor does your baby. I grew up without a father and that was the last thing i wanted for my daughter. I left thought and she is so much better off now. You can message me if you need support or just a friend. It is hard I know you cant give up thinking they will change.

    Answer by Cherish050307 at 11:36 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

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