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Husband Question

I have had a rough year, very long year. My husband drank a lot and hid in basement a lot. I did a lot for me and my three girls by myself, even more than I was suppose to do when i was preg. with my last. My husband and I fought a lot, he busted and broke stuff. It took a lot of courage to leave, I did finally when he got a DUI when our baby at 5wks old just got out of hospital for over a week with RSV. He wrecked the family car as well. I left and moved back to my hometown with parents (After feeling like a complete loser, and like a child). Him and I over time have started working on things. He has being trying to improve himself. He stopped drinking completely, stopped chewing tobacco, and almost quit smoking (having a hard time with that). Parents say he is being nice to brain wash me. They hate him and don't want him near their house. They say he cant change. Once a loser always a loser! What you think?

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MommyPeck3

Asked by MommyPeck3 at 10:40 PM on Sep. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Level 6 (150 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Give it time. Make him work for your trust.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 10:45 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Wow. Sorry about all the drama mama! I think that people can change. But only if they want to. And they have to be the ones to wanna change. For you and your kids sake, i hope he is changing. Best of luck!
    Ali-Rippy

    Answer by Ali-Rippy at 10:47 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I guess we'll see bc time will tell.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:48 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Oh I am. I am not a nice person anymore (I hate that). We have been separated since end of Feb. We do things on weekends. Mostly just one day cause he usually drives down here. He says he is glad he got a DUI, made him realize he was screwing up. I want our family back and better than ever. But my parents and sister say he will just screw up again once I am back. He is actually trying to relocate down this way. Trying to find a job. My parents are just so mean about the whole thing, I understand they do not want me in that situation again. But they are to the point they do not want me here either (especially dad).
    MommyPeck3

    Answer by MommyPeck3 at 10:50 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • No it's like the saying once and cheater always a cheater which I don't think is true either. It take alot of well power to change and people can change if they really want to and be strong against temptaion. He may have the need to smoke again or drink again but as long as you stay strong and he stays strong you both can do. Drinking is very addictive and its hard to quit just like smoking. My dad quit drinking once but started up a year or so later cause my mom let him and if my mom would have been strong and told him NO which he would have done cause he loved her then she wouldnt be having the problem she has now. I don't let my husband drink but I do let him once a while. Stay strong and if he wants to drink just tell him NO and if doesnt listen leave him.
    mommyofone0724

    Answer by mommyofone0724 at 10:51 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Go to a counselor. He may have realized that he really has been an ass. Addiction is an illness. Just like if he had cancer or a heart attack. If he is really done than it may make you marriage even stronger than it ever has. You are the only one who really knows. One other thing dont let your parents talk bad about him in front of the kids that is so bad.
    Cherish050307

    Answer by Cherish050307 at 10:53 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I'd add counselling to your separation. For him separately and for you separately then together. Your very lucky to have parents there for you. Listen to them. They see what you don't see in him and hear from him what you don't hear because they're concern is you not him. You're ready to trust him again because your concern is him. Your first concern needs to be you to care for your kids considering what happened. Care for yourself care for your kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:54 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I do believe in second chances. Jesus never turns away a repentant heart. But you have to keep from being niave. I'm not sure of his character. Don't look at him from the fact that you're the wife. Look at him by what his character over the whole time you've known him has proved. What made you love and marry him? Is he habitually "bad"? Did he spiral due to a situation? What is his true nature? Pray over the situation. What would Jesus do? Have a rational conversation with him even analizing his behavior. Maybe have him meet, away from home and in public, with your parents to give an "explaination". Cause if he's willing to appease your parents then you have a chance. i still overall urge your prayer about it. I'll do the same for you.
    Applemama

    Answer by Applemama at 10:56 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • I told him there is a second chance, but no third. I barely have the strength now dealing with my parents. I was told I am a horrilbe mother, a slob and all I do is work cause I want to get away from kids. I work cause I have bills. I miss my kids and talk about them all day. My parents forgot what it was like to have kids and because I dont pick them up the instant they cry I am horrible. Cause I do not correct them the way they think I should. My dad is obsessive compulsive about his house. Thing have to be done immediately and just so or else I have hell to pay. Whatever I do is never good enough. I am sorry. I am just at a breaking point. My couselor says I need to get out. But hard to do at this immediate point!
    MommyPeck3

    Answer by MommyPeck3 at 10:58 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

  • Definately do some counceling. I hope it works out for you but I would not go back freely or quickly. I'm talking months of work together on this. Their are kids involved and that is most important. The greatest thing parents can do for their children is to love each other, but keeping them safe is most important
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:02 PM on Sep. 13, 2009

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