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how to stop arguing with 18 year old daughter

my daughter is 18,recent high grad,teen mom, community college student. her son is 2. she hardly spends time with him. i keep while shes in school and works. he rarely sees his dad. i try to get her to help out some. but hardly ever does. her room is a distaster area. she met a guy who is twenty 22. i havent met him yet. hes in the military. i think shes afraid for me to meet him. my daugher can be hard on people. sometimes its either her way or no way. i understand her scholing. she may be the only responsible parent supporting her son. my biggest fear is that shell become a work achollic and her son my grandson will suffer.she just lost a really great guy. he was a diamond in the rough. but he loved her and her son. he cried when told her son bye. she was really hard on him. he just couldnt take it anymore.she is a good person but her proities are screwed up.

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stressedoutgran

Asked by stressedoutgran at 10:44 AM on Sep. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,324 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Not much you can do. She is 18 and obviously still a kid. You have let her get away with this for 2 years? She should be consentrating on her kid not a man. Every moment spent with him is another one away from her baby. I would tell her:" I am not your nanny. I will watch your son for school and work. Nothing more!" Maybe let her go out once a month without him but she had him she needs to take care of him or he will start looking at you as his mommy.
    heather.darin

    Answer by heather.darin at 12:20 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries. No matter what their situation is, I believe children this age are brain dead. I've told my own 18 year old the same thing. Something that actually did help with my own daughter though was I did set boundaries on how I expected her to treat me. I do not argue, yell or pout. I just told her (and showed her) how to treat me. Another thing that seems to be working is I try to find something to compliment her on. Even if its something positive she had done in the recent past. Such as "I really appreciate the way you...." Fill in the blank. Just remember the same way we made mistakes raising our children, they will also make mistakes raising their own. Good luck.

    CKasting

    Answer by CKasting at 12:52 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I'm a young mom (21)and my advice is tell her, straight up, I will watch your child for school, or work but you need to be home and give him the attention he needs when your not working/going to classes. She is young still but needs to realize she can't be out and about when she wants. She is depending on you too much. I'm a single mom, and i'm living with my mom, but i spend as much time home with my son as possible, My mom and me have an agreement, i can go out one everyother week without my son, so i can have some me time, or go have a drink with friends. She is taking your help for granted. You could always try telling her, unless its for school or work, i'm going to start charging you to take care of you son when you go out. As far as my attitude i used to be exactly like your daughter with the men i dated. If the guy she's really wants to be with her he'll meet her son and family.
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 12:56 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • you can tell yeah she's doing a good thing buy working to support her son, but he needs more then just financial support, he needs love and attention from his mom, not just grandma. Tell her how would you feel in this situation.
    vgiron

    Answer by vgiron at 1:00 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • It's her life. You can only tell her how you feel. If she chooses to ignore your advice then so be it. She will grow up and finally see what you meant. Remember that she's still a teen while you are a mature woman. She can't think like you bc she doesn't have the years of experience that makes you wise.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:07 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

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