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should I allow my kids to talk to their father?

I will explain why i haven't had any contact with him since July, I decided to end relationship with him, we were supposed to move in together and be a "HAPPY' family, but he had issues with the way i have been raising our kids, and would just put me down for everything concerning kids, but yet he wouldn't talk about anything or suggest different solutions to discipline kids together. He really hasn't been there for our kids, never helped support at all, I have always worked 2 jobs for like 3 years, and he didn't care for them when i worked, my older children looked after them. When I lost my job, i then wasn't able to find another, and that left us being homeless.Asked if he would take kids for couple of months so i can move closer, so we both can have responsibility in raising them, And he always had excuse after excuse why he can't take them, and has told people that i am keeping him from his kids. thank you for any input

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Asked by christine24 at 12:35 PM on Sep. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (8)
  • Let me get this straight...he has 2 arms and legs and can't seem to come get them? And you are keeping them from him...are you hiding them, living under an alias. Tell them to mind their own buisness and keep your head up.

    Answer by Jademom07 at 12:41 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Children should never be used as pawns no matter how much you despise the other parent. I understand your frustration and you have every right to be angry, but unless he's using drugs or abusing alcohol there is no reason they should not be allowed time with their father, provided he WANTS to see them. I don't think you really need to keep them away from him, as he's pretty much made it clear he wants no part in their life for the most part.

    If you really think they would ever be in jeopardy it's the courts decision, not yours to keep the children away. It's important that children have interaction with both parents, despite the fact that sometimes some fathers can be real @ssholes. (so can some mothers, i've seen that too) Just remember that as the kids get older they will resent you for preventing them from seeing their father if you continue to "advertise" the fact to friends and family that you are keeping them away.

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 12:42 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • If you try to stop them from talking he could take you to court and you would loose a lot. ...If he calls them, let them talk. but you do not have to initiate the relationship

    Answer by outstandingLove at 12:44 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I just want to add that they will resent you if there was no just cause for you letting them see their father. It may not happen, but I've met some adult children who were totally pissed at their parents for not letting them see the other parent. My kids are old enough now to make their own judgments on their father, and they can't stand him, and it had nothing to do with my feelings towards him, they knew just from the lack of visits, phone calls and bday gifts. So let him be the reason, not you for him being out of their life. know what i mean?

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 12:45 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I would not prevent them from having what limited contact with their father that he permits. If they don't have a relationship with him, let that be his fault, not yours.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 12:59 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Ditto Cinder. Unless you feel your kids are in danger, you should never ever keep them from their father, or speak poorly of their father in their presence or make them feel bad for wanted to see their father... "Oh, are you sure you want to see daddy this weekend, mommy will be sad and lonely, AND I was hoping to go to the CARNIVAL!" ... that is very blatant, but you get the idea... and you'd be surprised how many moms do this. Anyway, you should encourage their relationship. The kids need their dad and it will only benefit them to have a good relationship with him. He does, however, sound like a putz...I'm sure there are 2 sides to every story, but if what you are saying is true, he will be the one to end the relationship with the kids all by himself...but he should get the benefit of the doubt. Love your kids more than you hate your ex.

    Answer by gramsmom at 1:03 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • He's still their father regardless of the situation he is in. You don't have grounds for keeping them from their dad based on what you just said. It sounds like you are using them as pawns.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • guess you didn't understand what i wrote. do you not understand English..i asked him to take HIS kids over the summer and he had so many excuses why he coudln't take them,even though they had no other place to stay..the last time that we spent together he did nothing with his kids at all no park, no birthday cake for our daughter, he did nothing to help at all and i was the one who made calls so he could talk to his kids. Just got tired of hearing his excuses why he couldn't take responsibility for them. and now he tries to put blame on me!! I asked him for just 20 to buy diapers for our daughter and he said he don't have if he ever makes our kids his first priority, and do right by his kids, but i don't see that happening, he said himself ,that i will have to raise them on own when i ended things between us. I sent him messages couple weeks ago, and he had no response to taking his kids still. I give up with him

    Answer by christine24 at 4:01 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

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