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How can I get my SO to pay more attention to me?

My SO and I have been together almost 3 years and have a 6 month old together. Seems like here lately we just live together there really is no relationship anymore. When I talk to him it seems like he doesn't listen to me. He never cares what I want to do. We never cuddle anymore at all. No hugs, kisses anything like that, I'm beginning to think he doesn't love me anymore. The only time he ever pays attention to me is when he wants sex. When I want to have sex he's always too tired or something....


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Asked by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Sep. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Think about if you have changed from when you started your relationship, and try to resume the way you were then. Find out what interests him and learn about it- sports, whatever. Make him happy to come home. This is all in response to your question. It is possible that the new baby has made him think about life and so forth and the responsibility - the long term responsibility, and he may not be so sure that he is ready or willing. When the baby starts responding to him, then maybe he'll come around. Meanwhile, don't act needy, smile, try to make him enjoy being home, don't focus your attention on the baby when your friend is around. He may be feeling displaced by the baby.

    Answer by Bmat at 1:47 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Try to find a sitter you trust and go out alone together, just the two of you. Talk to him about how you feel, what you need, etc. Tell him how important he is to you, how important the relationship is to you and how much you miss the closeness. Make sure you set some time aside every day, for just the two of you after your lo goes to bed.

    Answer by missanc at 1:57 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I had this same problem with my husband. I felt emotionally abandoned by him after our son was born. I got irritated and upset with him, I tried talking to him, I tried nagging him, etc... We still don't have sex that often but I have absolutely no doubts that I am the only one he loves and wants to come home to me every night after work. I stopped nagging, and getting upset and started showing him physically and with words how much he means to me and how sexy I think he is. Started out with little things, just brush my hand along his back or arm as I'm walking by, tell him how sexy he looks in tank tops or whatever. Treat him like you want him to treat you again, I don't know why but it worked with us. I know when he walks by and brushes his hand along my back/but/whatever that he's busy but he knows I'm there and appreciates me. Hope this doesn't sound too stupid and helps. ~Jess

    Answer by jessibear78 at 2:02 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I like Jess' answer. I think too often I'm focused on myself & how I feel, when, if I put more time in fulfilling his needs, he would then, in turn, want to fulfill mine. It doesn't always work that way, but most times when someone has their needs met, they feel more inclined to return it. Have you ever heard of the five love languages? There is a book, written by,Gary Chapman, called The Five Love Languages. It is really good,it explains that there are 5 basic ways for people to show love to each other. Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, & Gifts. Usually a person feels more loved by one of these 5, than by the rest. If you are not speaking or doing his love language, then he will not feel loved & vice versa. My hubby told me that as soon as I did something that fulfills a need for him he immediately feels like doing something nice back!

    Answer by RuthsPlace at 2:44 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Give to him what you want him to give to you. If you want attention give him attention. Don't be whiny and naggy about it. No man wants to be with a whiner turns them off. Be more interesting. Maybe he wants to know what is going on with you. I know as a new mommy it is very easy to forget you are still a person and only talk about the baby. You are a couple and were before the baby and hopefully will be long after that child leaves the nest. You have to remember to be you and not lose you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

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