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How to deal with a friend's child?

My So's best friend has a little boy who is a few months younger then my son. He and his wife will bring thier son in our home and won't watch him. I firmly believe that a child should be taught what he can and can't play with (instead of keeping things put up)... I don't let my son climb on the furniture, or get on top of the coffee table. Their little boy does. I will put him down and say... we don't get on the coffee table, or couches are for sitting not climbing... His mom will just sit there and won't say a thing to him. He throws toys (so I have to put up certain bikes, his (kiddie) laptop, etc) and is mean to the dog. The other day I told him four or five times, the doggie is nice to us, so we need to be nice to her. He grinned and kicked my dog. I told him if he did it again I would put him in time out. His mother got mad, got up and left... What was I supposed to do? Tell her to make him stop, or get down?

 
momma_marian

Asked by momma_marian at 2:14 PM on Sep. 14, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 10 (478 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You are doing exactly what you should do. If she calls you on it - hold her feet to the fire about not forcing you to have to watch and discipline her child when she's in your home. Simple fact: if she doesn't like you correcting her child then she has a choice; teach him respect in other people's homes or don't take him to other people's homes. This is not the child's fault, it's hers and her husband's. They are the ones causing the problem, not the child. The child's behavior is the result of their lack of willingness to parent. If she brings him back - don't do anything different; if she doesn't correct his behavior, then you do what you gotta do - if she leaves again (mad) then let her. If it happens a 3rd or 4th time - you continue to do the same thing. She'll either stop bringing him or start parenting him - her choice. Stand your ground Momma - you're right.
    PaceMyself

    Answer by PaceMyself at 2:51 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I think you did the right thing. That's what I would have done, I think it's one thing when a parent who isn't sure of the house rules sit's back and let's the other mom explain them, but being mean to a dog in anyones house is wrong.

    She should have stepped up at that point if she didn't like it...or leave, which she did so it was her choice.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 2:18 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • ya i agree.the child has to learn manners in someone elses house.and if he ever kicked my dog...well lets just say he wouldnt.....
    nana77500

    Answer by nana77500 at 2:24 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I've had friends like this over! I didn't tell the child what to do, I told the mother what was acceptable and not acceptable in our home. I agree, if the mother is just sitting there like a freaking idiot then you did the right thing. Maybe explaining to her the rules you have in your home would help. I don't do the "put things up where they can't get to them thing" either. And if I were to take my kids out and they wouldn't behave, we would be going home immediately and they would be in trouble.
    Katrina3016

    Answer by Katrina3016 at 2:24 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • this hasnt happened to me but my mom has told my friends to not bring their kids over unless they can behave
    Dom123123

    Answer by Dom123123 at 2:28 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • You definitely did the right thing. This woman obviously knows that he child is a little troublemaker and should control her child when in someone elses house. You should not have to control him FOR her. That is just plain stupid. And you shouldn't have to put away toys just because he can't behave himself. He should know rules BEFORE he gets there. And as far as him KICKING your dog... that woman should have stepped up at tht point gotten her kid, apologized profusely to you and your son, asked if the dog was okay and immediately reprimanded her child for such an action. That is horrible. Some people are so idotic it makes me wonder why they even bothered to have kids in the first place! Be glad she left and took "problem child" with her!
    mom2BOYZnDad

    Answer by mom2BOYZnDad at 2:29 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Wow sounds like that mom either does not care what her kid does, or she is perfectly happy letting you 'parent' her child. I think you and SO should sit Both parents down and say 'Joan, Rick we have something that we need to talk to you about. While we like visiting with you, we don't feel it is our place to discipline your son Timmy. In our house we have rules, and our son Sam is not allowed to climb the furniture, or hurt the dog. It was very upsetting to see your son Timmy deliberately kick our dog and try to hurt her. In the future if Timmy cannot behave he will be asked to leave."
    If they can't/won't make their kid behave then it might be time to either end the friendship, or not meet at your house. Maybe go to their house, or meet in a neutral spot.
    Good luck I hope all works out!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:51 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I don't expect other parents to know my rules when they come into my home. I have no problem telling the child not to do something or not to touch. I would never put another persons child on time out with them there because it is their responsibility to take care of their kid. I would however tell my "friend" that if her child kicks my dog, my dog is going to bite him. The normal kids stuff, I would keep after. Like when kids come over here and can't stay off the net to the trampoline. Drives me nuts that I have to tell them a million times, but I remember when I had to tell my own kids a millions times too. They now have learned it.
    Amber115

    Answer by Amber115 at 3:20 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • While,this child was playing and acting out,what was your child doing,just sitting there,being sweet and calm,lol. When,my girls were young, I had a friend,who would come to visit,with her 3 kids,they would run,jump on the furniture, while, she would sit there the whole time talking about my kids ,the neighbors kids,and what she wouldn't allowed. Some parents are clueless,when their kids act out, I have learned to be understanding,while hoping they go home,lol. But, really I don't talk about kids,somebody just may find your little child annoying and bad,and unmanageable.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:41 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • I think you were in the right. If some kid came to my house and was acting that way, I would treat him like I do my own kids. They have to follow the rules that my daughter does. And if they don't follow the rules, they sit in time out. If those parents can't teach their child what to do and what not to do, then someone needs to. I would suggest talking to them about it, and if it continues tell them he isn't welcome if he can't follow the rules. Tough Love works. Trust me. I don't mean to make my daughter sound perfect and innocent, trust me she isn't, but she knows how to behave. Its something that I have always taught her. The rules in our house go in anyone elses house, and she follows the rules at other peoples houses. It needs to be enforced. If they can't do it, you have every right to
    emmas_mama07

    Answer by emmas_mama07 at 12:23 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

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