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Need a little help with marriage issue.

My name is Tia. Been with my husband for 8 years and have two boys 4 and almost 2. Two days ago I looked in his phone and saw a text and weird number.So, I asked him about it. It is a girl that he use to work with. He said they was just friends. He said that its ok for me to have guy friends, but he just didn't tell me because he knew that this would happen. I'm very sensetive. So, all day yesterday was so upset and we talked about it all day long. He said there wasn't even anything to worry about because they don't even talk. He said that she calls him like once a month and they talk like friends. But obviously, she wants something more. So, I wanted to text her and ask why she was calling my husband, but he said if I did that he would get really mad. I said if you guys are only friends , then what is it going to hurt? He said that he's not doing anything wrong and doesn't have feelings for her like that. Please, tell me what you think.


Asked by mommaq20 at 6:01 PM on Jun. 23, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • It's funny cause i had the exact same situation with my fiancee about 2-3 months ago.One thing i suggest is do not mention it anymore, trust me! Because if there isn't anything between them, your going to make him think about the girl more than he has too, and thats not good.I text the girl back acting like if i was my fiancee and i tried to make flirty conversation but she didn't have any intension on having any type of relationship with him, and then i told her it was really me and she assured me that there was nothing to worry about. Even though she said that to me, you can never trust anotheer women and i really didn't care to me her, so we left it at that. Moniter is text/phone calls for about a month and if she continues i would take up the party idea!!! Good luck!!!

    Answer by Jackie0216 at 9:08 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • What I would do is, don't say anything else about it AT ALL, and monitor his phone for a month and see just how much they do talk/text message. Then after that I would set something up to where you can run into this girl, or have a dinner party and have him invite her, if they are "just friends" she would come and there would be nothing to hide. Why shouldnt you be able to be friends with her if he is? But I would keep and eye on it, but DONT I repeat Do NOT say anything else about it because if there is something you want him to feel comforatable like he has been. He WILL slip up if it's something more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:11 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • I totally agree with the party idea. If she's just a friend then he would have no problem with you getting to know her and maybe becomming friends with her yourself.

    Just don't get possessive with him. Don't go to her and ask "Why are you talking to my husband?" because that would only make you appear to be a jealous wife who doesn't trust her husband. It's a recipe for disaster!

    Answer by amethystrse at 6:17 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • yea, watch his call logs for a while then if it keeps happening I would call her and let her know that she is trying to ruin a good marriage and that you arnt about to let her.

    Answer by vbruno at 6:18 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • He is hiding something. Why wouldn't he be upfront with you about his relationship with this woman? In my experience, any man who is hiding such a relationship is doing it for a reason. It would be different if he had told you upfront that he is friends with this woman, but he has not done so, in fact, he is very defensive of it. I would lay low as well. He's not going to fess up, so be very observant of his behavior. Does he go in another room to talk? Does he have new and random excuses for not being home with you? There are many such signs that a husband/boyfriend is stepping out. On the other hand, any husband worth keeping would quit talking to this woman if it might damage your relationship in any way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • My counsler told me a while back...when two ppl are married they become one...and who ever he is friends with you should be friends's not ok for him to have friends that you don't know about or vise versa..That's why you feel uncomfortable because it's something that he felt he needed to keep from you..and that would make anyone suspisious

    Answer by LoHgAnS_Mommi at 7:08 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • I would be cautious, but dont drive yourself crazy with it, the mind is a very powerful thing. Lay low keep it out of conversation and watch him,his phone calls. Think about his activity, does he stay after for work?Does he leave early for work? She has no right to be friends with your husband whatsoever, think about this ladies even if the girl was your best friend your husband has no reason to talk to her on the phone especially if you are not around.But when you do confront her, make sure it is in person, if she is going to lie to you face to face you will know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • If there is nothing going on What is the problem with talking to her. He is really the one who should have suggested that you two talk,,,,if nothing is going on. Heck, I would call her up and invite her over for drinks just about the time that he arrives home from work. If there is nothing going on...Why not?? Seeing them together....should answer all of those lingering questions. If she refuses your friendly invite, Something is up!!! good luck honey...take care of yourself.

    Answer by MommasCooCoo at 8:11 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • oh yea, the very moment i stopped being the jealous wife, he became more romantic and complimenting me more and wanting to be with me more, and IT'S GREAT.

    Answer by Jackie0216 at 9:10 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • I'm with Mommascoocoo, But ask him to invite her over for lunch or drinks and wait for his expression. It should give you the answer you want. If she is "just a friend" then he should be happy
    you want to get to know her too. If she is more than a friend than he will have that deer in the headlights look and quickly make up an excuse why she can't or would'nt come. Ya gotta ask him
    like at mealtime, where you have his attention (other than the food)! Just catch him off guard and watch his expression. Good Luck

    Answer by kymom2boys at 1:17 AM on Jun. 24, 2008