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Is it wrong to want to put my baby up for adoption when i am married with 2 other kids?

I had my tubes tied 4 years ago after my second child was born. I did this because I knew I was done. i could not mentally or monetarily support another child. I love the two kids I have and i wuold like to think I could love this one but I am so angry I am even Pregnant! I tried to give it time but i am now 7 months and still feel the smae way. DH says he will support my choice but he thinks we should try to keep her. I can't do it! I know I can't but I feel so guilty! and what if it turns out i'm right and i can't do it? Then what? You can't give them back...


Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Sep. 14, 2009 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (62)
  • Oh my dear, I am so sorry to hear this question, it sure is a tough one.

    I hope everyone on here is very kind and understanding.

    I'm a nurse, I've worked in postpartum and labor and delivery for over 10 years. I have heard it all. I have seen moms in your situation giving their babies up for adoption. I once had a patient who wanted to decide which twin to keep and which would be adopted. My heart goes out to you. I have heard the judgemental attitudes of people who are not in your situation. I suggest that you speak to a counselor/social worker to go through this with an objective person. Talk to your doctor too and see if there is someone they can suggest that you talk to. (((((((((((hugs to you))))))))))).

    Answer by kjrn79 at 5:02 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • looks like you got another kid


    Answer by staciandababy at 4:59 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • i think your feelings will change during this pregnancy. just give it some time.

    Answer by scooterpooter at 5:01 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Wow, I cant believe you... There is a such thing called being a mother, and since you already have TWO, i would expect a more responsible decision. How are you going to teach your kids not to run away from responsibility when you are thinking about giving up a life that you help to create? I could understand if you needed financial help - but even then there are grants and organizations to go to. But you just don't want to be a parent. Maybe you should give the other ones away too, right? Because what is the use of family if you are not going to stick together?


    Answer by sugahmamma at 5:02 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Op. I just feel like I have to opportunity to make another family so happy... happier than I ever think I would be keeping her. It hurts me to say that but it's true. If I keep her will I be able to bond? I am just so torn. I wan to love her. In the back of my head though I keep going back to aomeone else could love her more than me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Try to take a deep breath and don't rush into any decision. The decision is yours and your husbands to make and it is a huge one. There are a lot of adoption haters on here who will make you feel badly for your choice if you choose adoption, so take it with a grain of salt. Make a list of pros and cons of both keeping the baby and putting it up for adoption. I don't think you are a bad person for accepting your feelings and considering adoption. Just don't let anyone make this decision but you, don't be pressured because it is you who has to live with the consequences. If you think that the hard parts of having a baby in your home outweigh the hard parts of having to emotionally "deal" with placing your child for adoption, well, there is your answer. It is going to be hard either way. I personally admire women who can truly consider what is best for the child, no matter what the sacrifice is (either keeping it or placing it).

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:04 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • this wasn't supposed to happen. I did everything right to prevent it. I did everything right!

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • Look I dont want to offend you, but that is my oppinion. However you do seem caring and I just think that God gave her to YOU and YOUR hubby for a reason. We all have our doubt, but in the end it will all be reassured when she is born and you take that first look.

    Answer by sugahmamma at 5:07 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • So you had your tubes tied? Id think about suing the doctor who did it, because he obviously didnt do it right. While I think you should give it a try, it's untilmately up to you and your husband. They have WIC and foodstamps if you qualify. Are you afraid you'll resent this baby? You got your tubes "tied" because you knew you couldn't handle another child.....that was responsible. Someone messed that up.

    It's up to you, but if you know you can't do it, then maybe you could do an open adoption? Or a partial one....where you can at least write/recieve letters get/send pictures. That way your child can still know you and know that you care.

    Answer by MommyLee08 at 5:08 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

  • wow, I don't normally stop by this section but your question really got my attention. I think that it is very sad that you feel you are unable to care for another child. I don't know what to tell you. I could be in your boat one day. I had my tubes tied after my second as well. I to think you should find someone to talk to who can help you decide in a non bias way. A counselor or even someone at Planned Parenthood... I hope you make the right choice for you with no regrets. You will be in my prayers.

    Answer by But_Mommie at 5:08 PM on Sep. 14, 2009