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Behavioral Disorders

I'm starting to see a trend here locally where I live. It seems like more parents are using their kids disabilities as a reason not to parent them. "Oh he has ADHD that's why he won't listen to me". Yet I see the kid running over them and they don't do anything not time out taking away privilages or anything. This really bothers me. I'm wondering if it's just me or if other moms are seeing the same thing and what your insite might be as to why they do this.

Yes I know that their are good parents out there that do parent their kids. And I really appreciate that.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:48 AM on Sep. 15, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (16)
  • As the mom of two high-functioning autistic children, looks can be very deceiving! Because my children (ages 7 and 5) LOOK perfectly typical, they wind up looking like brats to passersby when they can't have what they want, and hit me, stomp their feet, or scream, etc.

    if you've never experienced two (50 & 70 lb) writhing children screaming on the floor of a busy mall, you really don't understand what can happen when they do not understand why they cannot have/do/see what it is they want--they become emotionally unavailable, and no amount of child psychology is going to work at that moment--so we go into survival/preservation mode!

    In public situations we DO "walk around on eggshells" with them, as we never know how they are going to react to familiar or unfamiliar places, which is why we pick and choose places wisely.

    Just because you cannot SEE a disability doesn't mean we excuse or are incapable of parenting our kids!
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:14 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • for the last 10 + years Ive been watching other parents loose intrest in their kids and use the excuse of add or adhd as to why the parents WONT even try to disciplin their kids. The trend is getting SO bad I seriously wonder WHAT the future is going to be like if our kids are supposed to be our future. Kids today bully their parents into getting their own way and TV and PC games and the media are all helping parents loose their position. In most family's I see today the kids run the show not the parents. Want a decent child? One who listens and respects you? Shut the TV and PC and games OFF forever!
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 9:25 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Unless you live with a child that has a disability, don't make assumtions !!! There is no use explaing to you how or why we parent diffrent than you, you obviously have already made up your mind. ADHD changes brain activity, so diffrent parenting skills work on my child that on yours. YOU try being your childs frontal lobe for 5 or 6 years (before a dr can test) and see how tried and drainned you are! We learn to pick our battles, just to get our daily errons ran around town, with scorned people like you starring at our family the whole time.
    How about, you raise your child, and I will raise mine.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I see it with allot of my friends, they are young... in their early to mid 20's with children just starting kindergarten. They drink most nights of the week with the child home, have friends over or parties. They seem more concerned with their own lives that they forget they are raising a child. And when I go to visit thier children act up to get attension from me or misbehave and are rude or mouthy and the parents think its funny or cute and do nothing to correct the behavior. Sometimes I feel I am babysitting the child with parents right there in the room cus they don't pay any attention.
    yes I know what u mean!!
    I have 2 children and I to have went easy on them being a single mom I wised up when they started school, I was being told my son had adhd so I did research on it. NO he just needed better disaplin at home
    I think sometimes it's the teachers who push the ideas on the parents
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:03 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I was told my son had adhd by his teachers, I as his MOTHER knew better. Teachers just want answers. My son is hyper is all you really gotta get him to calm down to talk to him is all he gets caught up in the moment and is usually only trying to "impress" his friends at school, I know him!
    I did research on ADHD and he showed no signs what so ever, I will not let my kids get away with inappropriate behavior in public places. I'll give them time outs in the store if I have to.
    I can't stand it when parents let their kids run wild in the department or grocery store... ADHD or not disiplin is still in need, I could care less who stares at me, at least i'm doing something about it.
    ADHD is over diagnosed... it's an easy answer to a problem, and one I think some people are to willing to accept.
    ADHD doesn't mean you let them act like hooligans
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • my nephew has ADHD and ODD, and if you were just in a store or a public place and saw him acting at his worst you would think his mom let him walk all over him and that is not the case at all. if you tell him no he will act like you are beating him and it does get tiring and sometimes the kids dont have their fathers around 24/7 either which makes it even more tiring and over whelming for the mother. i dont judge one way or another because i see both sides. my husband has ADHD and even as an adult he can be really annoying and i tell him he needs to get his meds cuz honestly we have lost alot of friends because of how he can act sometimes.
    kd2kds

    Answer by kd2kds at 10:42 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • You canNOT discipline an ADHD kid the same as a neurotypical kid. When you understand that, you'll understand why we handle our kids the way that best works for them.

    Yes there are some parents who don't discipline their kids what would be generally considered "properly" but some of those kids are neurotypical, as in they have no behavior disorders!!! So don't just come after those of us with special needs kids.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I don't think the post was picking on people with special needs children.... rather saying that parents with "normal" children are using ADHD or other excuses to be lazy about parenting....
    You can tell when someone has a child who is just downright spoiled and naughty as apposed to a child with a disorder who has good parents that do what they can.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • My son is borderline ADHD (not yet diagnosed, something we have just recently found out) my son has been known to throw tantrums in public when he can't get his way, and just act like a complete brat... Truth of the matter is I do everything in my power to control him but at the end of the day the way his mind works nothing matters to him. I can spank him, put him in timeout, take things away anything like that and he still does what he wants to do. So don't sit here and say "you need to control your child better" if you have no idea how truly hard it is to control a child who has ADHD or some other behavioral disorder. I'm glad you have perfect kids who respond to discipline properly, unfortunately not all kids respond that way.
    KalebsMommee

    Answer by KalebsMommee at 11:16 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • If you were to discipline my ADD son for every outburst, you would be yelling at him continuously. You need to pick your battles or else everything will be a fight. It's not the same as other kids. You can not understand unless you go through it yourself. Luckily your kids are perfect and you are a perfect mother.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 11:24 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

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