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why does it seem that peple are always trying to" guilt trip" aparents because they adopted a child?

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Asked by yssasa at 8:33 AM on Sep. 15, 2009 in Adoption

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  • its more like a special trip they are on and every little thing that adopted child does is magnified and doen 200 % over. I see it at my child's school. The parents need to grow up and stop acting like they are so special with that kid. Your own is just as special. I resent that also.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • True, but reason why I asked was because it seems that some ( not all bmoms) are always posting the "latest adoption statistics" as a way to make the aparents feel guilty. As an adoptee I don't "get it". It's no one's fault the bparents conceived a child they weren't able/ didn't want raise, why make the aparents feel guilty for being better prepared to raise the child?


    Answer by yssasa at 8:43 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Stupidity and jealousy are the only reasons maybe petty vindictive asinine bitches. An adoptive parent is someone to be admired for taking a child no one Else wanted and loving them as though he/she were their own. Anyone belittling an adoptive parent is too stupid for words.


    Answer by BooBear666 at 8:49 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Yssasa, Thank you for a refreshing view point from one whom lives this as "the one whom WAS relinquished', I do so enjoy getting an adoptees point of view. I am a first mom, and if "we" seem to come across as placing guilt, IMHO, it is because, there are NO 2 life journeys that are the same. In other words, those of us whom had no recourse, or felt injustice, our view, would be coming more from an angle of injustice. There are many firstmoms, I feel jealous over(how sad is that), because they were given the gift of "open/semi open adoptions". The only way I could place guilt upon my twins parents, would be if they actually WERE guilty. I will never know their side of the journey,(and hope), they feel no guilt, unless they were GUILTY..does that make any sense??? In other words no one has the power to make you feel something, unless in your truly feel that way. Just MY take on it, Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:00 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Yssasa, In short, I feel guilt& shame, and deep gutteral ache most each day since I was TOLD "sign or else", but no one MAKES me feel this way...just lil ole me, myself and I! I beleive it was Eleanore Roosevelt whom was quoted as saying, " No one can MAKE you feel inferior, without your permission." Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:04 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • WOW, BOOBEAR***, You are a very intelligent person, and you came across so eloquent! I beleive, "asanign & petty' were YOUR words...not mine, so very fitting, especially since yssasa, was being so kind in asking a serious question. If you cannot be kind...just do not BE! The three 6's you have ...are they symbolic, or just representative of you? Whatever, just try to be kinder, the OP is wishing to get serious answers, not stooping to lower levels, like bottom feeders, Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:12 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Adopted children are CHOSEN children and much more special if you ask me because most people can have their own kid, when you adopt your choosing the child which makes it WAY more special then just popping one out yourself.

    Answer by vbruno at 9:14 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Vbruno, that for sure is one way to look at it, and maybe to SOME extent true. However ALL children are SPECIAL, and is the true definition of the word LOVE. There are NO children MORE special than any other,a miracle IS a miracle, plain and simple. Now the MIRACLE of being gifted to 'POP ONE OUT", is a miracle all on its own. I cannot say what a child of adoption feels, but since they were given NO voice in the matter, I would only guess, they would not look at it as if they were "CHOSEN", but only each individual can answer that from their heart. This is an innocent newborn (MOST CASES) baby ....not a car or house we are talking about. This newborn child(or older, if fostered) is left for life, wondering why, and who am I? Since I am not a child of adoption, I cannot say for sure! Any mother whom is blessed with a child to love, most likely would say they ARE very grateful, to "us" firstmoms...

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:46 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • whom 'JUST POPPED ONE OUT".....just because they were given the chance to be a "MOM'. Being a "MOM', is in itself a Miracle. There are definately many ways to view this, just as there are many shades of gray...Yes? I CHOOSE to continue thinking in m y heart, I was gifted a miracle to have twin sons, and their parents were in return gifted the blessings of being able to love and raise them. Why???? Just because I was able to "POP' ONE OUT(IN MY CASE 2!) Blessings, C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 9:53 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • ceejay in regards to an adoptive child having no say in the matter does a birth child have any say in the matter either? In adoption cases where children are able to speak the judge does give them a say. They ask them if they want so and so to be their mom & dad. If the child says no then they pull them aside and talk to them privately to find out what is going on. If it's legitimate concerns then they will address them. If it's mom wouldn't let me have a chocolate donut this morning and I'm not happy then the adoption proceeds.

    What birth child has this option? When you are born to parents then you are stuck with them thru thick & thin with no say in the matter.

    I am in total agreement with you that every child is a miracle and every child should be loved unfortunately many are not and that is where adoption has it's place. Many children are abused and need the love an adoptive home can give. cont.

    Answer by baconbits at 10:04 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

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