Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Give the baby MY last name, or my SO's?

My SO and I have a 2 year old together, and she has his last name. He did not father my son, that I am pregnant with now but he will be the dad anyways. (Yes he knows it's not his). The guy who fathered the baby is not going to be involved. I'm debating if I want to give my son my last name or my SO's. At first I was going to give him mine, but as time passes I wander if he will wander or get upset that he "wasnt good enough" (im not saying he isnt good enough. just saying he might think that) to have the same name as the man who will be his daddy, and his sister.

What would you do in my situation? (reguarding the last name. I don't need or want anyones pissy/rude comments about the situation)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 AM on Sep. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (32)
  • umm...have you talked it over with your S.O? what does he think about the baby having his last name? i understand why you want him to have the same last name as his sister and dad.
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 9:51 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • If your SO is going to stick in the picture and plans to adopt your baby I would give his last name... if things are rocky and or uncertain then I would do yours.
    AmiJanell

    Answer by AmiJanell at 9:53 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • SThompson21-Yes, I've talked to my SO and he is supportive of whichever decision I make. He understands my concerns and why I would want to give the baby my last name, but he also wants the baby to have his last name
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:59 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • If it were me I'd want my whole family to have the same last name. I wouldn't want them growing up and thinking one wasn't as much a part of the family, or that one belongs to daddy and one doesn't. Kids have a very strange sort of logic and you never know what they'll infer from something like that.

    I'd want them to be the same if your SO is planning on staying in the picture.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:21 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • It's not really your choice. If your boyfriend doesn't want the new baby to have his last name, then the baby would have yours. It's up to the boyfriend if the baby gets his name, especially since it isn't his. Also consider...will this mean you're listing him as the father? If so, is he willing to claim paternity and take care of this baby when you guys break up?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • since your SO is okay with the baby having his last name I would go ahead and give the baby his name. That way the two have the same name. I can tell you growing up I was the odd one out because my sister and I had diffrent fathers. My sister had my mom's name and I had my dad's. Since my parents split when i was really small I was the only one in our house with my last name. I got made fun of it for it a lot. I know that wouldn't happen with yours but I think it would be easier on your son to have the same last name as his sibling.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 10:36 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I would seek therapy you have created a mess. Poor kids and your poor SO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Well I work at a hospital, and our policy is the baby gets the mom's last name regaurdless. So if you want him to have your SO's then you need to get married.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:41 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • To whoever answered anonymously. YES it IS my choice AS WELL AS my SO's. I have already stated that my SO would love for the baby to have his last name. I also stated that he understands my concerns and would support my decision whether I decided to give the baby mine, or his last name.
    Why do you assume we will break up? "if so, is he willing to claim paternity and take care of this baby WHEN you guys break up?"
    We've been together for 5 years. We did break up for a short time (which was when i conceived my son) but things are better now, and he's not going anywhere. but IF we did break up, yes he is still sticking around for both of these children.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • To the lady who "works in a hospital"
    I can give my child whatever last name I want. How do you think my DD got her dads last name? We weren't married then, and still aren't now. I don't HAVE to get married for any reason esp. just so my children can have a last name other then my own.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Sep. 15, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN