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Help me see this in a new light please, i will try to summarize. Ex gal coming to my fiance's 40th

Fiance & his best friend Al are turning 40. Al's wife Lisa & I are friends & throwing them a party. Lisa's BEST friend Ann was in a short relationship w/ my fiance. He moved out there & lived w/ her for 6 months, then left & broke her heart because he learned that he could have a future w/ her. They remained friends, but she is the one who always contacts. He could care less. Anyhow, she is friends w/ Al too & is flying in for the party. I know she is not %100 normal w/ me. She treats me like chop liver, but is so sweet & kind to the rest of the girls in our group. She has also known them longer, so i always feel left out when she is here. She seems so cool, i feel like we'd be great friends if it wasn't for that one fact. She is also HOT, & i feel very insecure around her. People ALWAYS say "but he is with you", that never makes me feel better. How can i fix these anxious feelings i have towards her w/ out being fake to her?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Sep. 15, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I know how you feel and I hope no one takes this the wrong way but I think most of the repliers have the wrong idea. I think you are handling it very well by trying to look at it in a different light and talking to your SO about your feelings.
    I do agree that you should avoid saying anything nasty about her at the party and hopefully she'll let it go for the sake of the evening. Try to remember that she will be talking to your man and if she's anything like my husband's exgirlfriends then she's going to be all over him. This is your chance to basically wow your fiance and be the bigger person. If she's all over him, keep on doing what you're doing. If someone points it out, don't make a big deal out of it. Don't expect her to respect you because in her eyes you've got something that belongs to her.
    Of course, you could be lucky and maybe she just feels awkward about it too and would love to able to be one of the girls with

    Answer by flitpixie at 7:13 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I really want to be above all this, & a am embarrassed that it even bothers me. I know my fiance loves me & no one else, i"m lucky that he chose me in the end. Please, help me see this in a new light, how can i become better friends w/ her & forget the fact that they were once so close. She is so close w/ everyone in our group except me, it's just weird.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • if he left her then he doesn't want her. I would try to avoid her at the party and be all over your fiance. would be weird to have to b w someoene like that and im glad im not in your situation. just remember shes prob jealous of YOU!

    Answer by babycakes111 at 1:45 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • The way to deal with this is to "out- sweet" her. Be extra gracious, extra smiling, extra nice. Even when she isn't around, never speak poorly of her. (This is so if someone sees how she treats you, after they have already observed that you are only kind and nice about her, then the message will come across loud and clear that she is the nasty one.) If she is rude, just smile sweetly and look a little bewildered, maybe. Return her mean-ness with your own graciousness. After all- you have the guy, she is entitled to be a bit sour, although it is too bad that she shows her jealousy like she is. Being sweet to her is the strongest and most effective weapon you have. heh!

    Answer by Bmat at 1:46 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • did you talk to your fiance about this?

    Answer by babycakes111 at 1:47 PM on Sep. 15, 2009


    I forgot to mention that the guys are going to be at a football game while the girls set up for the party. I have 4 hours of haning out w/ her before my love ven gets there...

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Just be yourself after all he IS with you not her he obviously DID NOT want to be with her even if she is all that I believe you are all that in his don't worry everything will b just fine.

    If only they didn't stay in touch she wouldn't have any business there but she did so just go with the flow if she ignores you then let it go fine she don't want to talk that is ok. BUT if you see her stinking hands on your man or even talking to him you better run right over there and stand right next to him don't even give her the pleasure to even talk. If she tried to out do you girls don't worry about it everyone knows who and what she is I guess. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Yes i did. He just says what can i do? I cannot ask her not to come. And i don't want to offend Lisa, she is Lisa's best friend. Fiance just ensure's his love for me. He reminds me that we're getting married. And that he loves ME, but it doesn't help. I still feel totally anxious about it. I see my insecurities when she comes, all of a sudden my confidence drops to zero....why is that?

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I know my fiance loves me & no one else, i"m lucky that he chose me in the end.

    You need to realize he is lucky you chose him as well. Until you see yourself as a great person worth having the man of your dreams you will always feel insecure. He saw no future with her and moved on. He met you and knows there is one with you. There was no competition. He wanted you and you should not feel weird around her at all. Don't let her make you feel inferior and enjoy the party it is about your fiance and his friend don't let it be about her in your mind.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • OP here;

    I was so excited about this party. I've worked so hard, i even have their guy friend jumping out of a cake w/ women's ligerie on...funny....but now, i'm just so anxious, i want to cry. Thankyou for your answeres ladies, just having a lil support goes a long way. I will try to do as bmat said & kill her w/ kindness.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 PM on Sep. 15, 2009