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does every husband have a problem with telling their wives little things that should not be hard to tell them?

my husband is afreaid to ask or tell me he wants to hang out w friends sometimes. i mean yea i get upset sometimes but he just got back a week ago from being in iraq a year and hes already wanting to be w friends alot and when he does hes gone like all day long.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Sep. 15, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • The life of a military spouse is not easy. While your husband is ditching bullets in Iraq, you must have your own battles here back at home been a mom, a dad, and everything to everybody. Without any doubt, he missed his family but it is also very possible that he missed things like been back in the states where he doesn't have to be looking over his shoulder always in alert or survival mode. Having said that there will be a period of adjustment to the family dynamics. I know you were probably hoping for an immediate immersion of the family roles and would have welcomed a helping hand since you have been carrying the whole family load during his absence and that is completely understandable. Please don't resent him for this adjustment time he is taking, be thankful that he is back sound and safe and allow him this time to re-connect and regroup. He needs to channel all those "memories that are his burden to carry" and

    Answer by bebita at 4:13 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • cont....
    Althoug you have done more than your share during his deployment, you need to allow for this decompression time. He is back in the states, lucky to be alive and in one piece, let it sink in and let him know that you are there for him and that the children and you are ready to get started living a family life the second he is ready for it. I can only thank you for the sacrifices you and your family members are making, give him some room to decompress, trust me you will all feel better in the long run.

    Answer by bebita at 4:16 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I think he should be aloud to go out with his friends and you shouldn't make him feel bad. He was in Iraq for a year for goodness sake. I know you want your time with him too, but you need to let him have his "male bonding" time. I know what you are talking about though. My husband will often avoid topics he thinks I might get upset about.

    Answer by lowencope at 4:20 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Things that he thinks will upset me, yes.

    I also think I can shed some light on the "friend time" your husband wants so much of.

    Chances are, the friends he's spending time with are the same ones he spent a year with in Iraq. And you feel like he's already spent a year with these guys, can't he stay home with you?

    The reality is that those guys share a bond that we can't understand. They've seen things we can't imagine, done things we don't want to know about, and more than likely lost brothers-in-arms together.

    He wants to spend time with those guys because he knows you don't understand. And while he loves you, he cannot help but feel a very strong bond to these guys. Even a responsibility to them.

    I know this is hard for us to understand. It took me 3, 12+ month deployments to get it.

    I strongly advise you to take a look at the articles on and the resources (contd)

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:44 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I don't think he should be scared to ask for "permission" but I do think you should let him go every so often. I mean, he was in Iraq for a year and that's time he didn't get to spend with his friends. Just try to be patient with him. You should try to find time to spend some time with your friends too - after all, you were home for a year with the kids. It's not personal that he wants to hang out with his friends.

    Answer by Blubuni99 at 4:46 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • (contd)
    they have available.

    Don't be afraid to go to counseling together. That was the best thing that we did. That's why I understand so much about him now.

    If this is his first deployment, or his first with you, he may feel like you may never undersand him again. How could you, with all that he's seen and done while he was away? That's how he looks at it.


    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 4:47 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Go out with he and his friends and everyone is happy

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:27 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • rarely. he often asks to hang with freinds. i have him covering up little lies like when i asked if he has ordered the printer cartridges i have asked him to do about 3 wks now. he works with printers so he gets discounts. he'll say yes but i know he didn't. he looks stupid trying to make excuses why not in yet. we have only been married a little over a yr. i think he doesn't want to disappoint me so maybe that is why your husband does what he does. often times us wives are taken for granted. if you feel you are you should just tell him how you feel. he should understand that. it may not change what he does but it might. nagging doesn't help and often times it esculates to what you have currently going on in your relationship.

    Answer by melody77 at 6:31 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

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