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doubting my marriage>>

I have been married for almost 4 yrs. my husband has been out of a job for 9 months now. I work 11 hrs a day 4 days a week. On my days off, I do the running around. I feel and have felt like my husband is not looking hard enough for a job. I am depressed and have been trying to think of reasons to stay with my husband. I haven't found any in the last 4 days of thinking. I feel like I dont love him anymore. I def. don't want sex at all. I'm tired of feeling ike I am doing it all. I am lost and I don't know what to do. Any advice???

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Asked by Ray-Ray0712 at 5:10 PM on Sep. 15, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • 1. Focus on priorities, budgeting and resolving financial issues. "If there's something deeper to begin with, then couples can get back to that. But if the marriage was too based on social status and money, then once it's pulled out, there's nothing there."

    2. Get outside supports. "Get as many people on your team looking for a job as possible."

    3. Try to find agreement about what should be done and establish a timeline.

    4. Consult experts and find out the best ways to manage your existing resources. "Don't be proud. Get advice. This is a time to consult people who you trust and who can guide you through this."

    5. Strengthen the family by spending time together at home and include friends. "It's fine for kids to know that for a while, the family isn't going to be spending as much money. Kids should really understand what their parents' resources are."


    Answer by JoyandLove at 5:19 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • 6. Keep up communication with your spouse. "Really listen to the other person before you fire back, then respond in a way that's loving and respectful. You can have a loving, healthy debate with your partner as long as things are said with respect and love." Career transitions coach Stein agrees: "Keep talking to each other. It's not wrong to feel things, but it's essential to really listen to one another."

    7. Reassess your wealth. "People have lots of things they don't need. Sell the things that are valuable. Get rid of everything in your life that doesn't have a strong value for the family and you as a couple. Only hold on to what's sentimentally important."


    Answer by JoyandLove at 5:20 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • 8. Understand the impact of stress on your body. "Maybe you can't keep your gym membership but you can take a walk. Express physical affection as a source of comfort. Deep breathing is one of the most powerful ways to restore your health."

    9. Adopt an "attitude of gratitude" and live in the present moment. "Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in people's lives and allows you to see everything that's good and possible. Give thanks for 10 things each day."

    10. Focus on what you have, rather than what you don't have.


    Answer by JoyandLove at 5:20 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • wow. i feel for you... im going through a pretty similar situation myself... and have been for going on almost two years! i think the best thing out of the situation is that he saves us money by watching our kids...not to mention that he has two other kids he is supposed to be paying child support for. and i understand the whole sex thing too. i feel i do everything and dont get the respect or whatever that i deserve. that i work hard to support our family and he doesnt really do much at all and that really doesnt make me want to come home and be all happy go lucky cuz u sat at home not doing very much... but not really sure what to give you for advice except to follow your heart... i am in the same boat and am tryin to do the same thing.. its hard. but good luck to you!!

    Answer by juandmad09 at 5:21 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • Please keep in mind the state of the economy. There is a recession and jobs are hard to come by. Don't give up bc of that. Don't blame him for this economic mess. I don't know the man but I know men get discouraged too bc they can't provide for their family right now. He has to feel pretty bad making you carry the weight of it all. He may be depressed too. Ask him to go with you to do errands or tell him what you need him to do to help out.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:22 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • I am there with my husband. Even in a good economy he is a loser that cannot keep a job. I am so tired of doing everything. Working a 12 hour day 6 days a week, cleaning, cooking, running errands and everything else his lazy a$$ won't do. He played video games until I sold the Wii, PS3, xbox and all games. We needed the money he has been mad at me since. I sold our very nice laptop to a neighbor that paid top dollar and bought a less expensive one so he cannot play games on here the graphics card sucks. lol So he sleeps all day. He would ignore the kids all day so they are in daycare which is ridiculous he should be taking care of them. I could stop working overtime if he would man up. I am being patient only 6 more months and his a$$ will come home to changed locks after hanging out with his loser friends. Sometimes you have to give up learn from your mistake and move on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:32 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • No I would blame him.There are jobs out there.Do not tell me there are no jobs because there is.For the person who really looks and is consistent there is a job.Maybe her husband is being lazy.I am sick and tired of people blaming everything on the economy.That is not right.I am sorry you are going through this girl.Hang on I know it could be a bumpy ride,but do what your heart says not what anybody else says.


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • ok there are jobs thing is lots of people seeking the same job so it's hard to get into one. he may be a little lazy & is not trying hard enough but really is this what should end your marriage? to me it's silly. i thought marriage was about getting & working through the hard times to build on your bond. it just seems you lost some respect for him. not really losing the love for him. if you concentrate on his faults it's easy to see you falling out of love. i often think of my husband being slow or stupid but i realize that my thoughts are getting the best of me & turning my love towards disrespect. i could tare my husband apart & wonder why i'm with him. we ignore the good parts or tend to take them for granted. also working so hard is putting a strain on your mental, physical health,emotional state. i bet he feels he has failed you & that depresses him. what if you were the 1 w/o job & he left. wouldn't it be silly? honestly

    Answer by melody77 at 6:25 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

  • i feel ya, but hang in there girl, yes you work a lot, and hubby sounds like depression, but hang in there, he may not find a job he likes too much, but a job even at mC donalds is something, in my opinion, men are supposed to be the breadwinners and moms stay at home taking care of kids and house work, but, i work 10 hr days, too, ( economy reasons) just hang in there for the kids, comunications between you & your husband is a must, tell him how you feel and how you would like things to be, sometimes men need to know cuz they cant read minds many times. and they cant read body language sometimes. but also take care of yourself cuz stress kills people, especially women. have him clean the house and do chores. load him up on the chores and teach him how to do the cooking, but let him be careful on the frying cuz my neighbor burned his house down he forgot to turn the stove off with hot oil in the pan. HELP HIM find a job

    Answer by ashleyamanda at 6:31 PM on Sep. 15, 2009

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