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My DH works 4 nights a week...i know he wants to find a day shift BUT

the differential that he earns is definitely a bonus and he is off on Mondays so he can be with the kids while I work and off on Saturdays as well. (I work alternating Saturdays). I feel that having him here to be with the children so they only go to daycare on the 2 other days of the week that I work is both cost effective and important for the girls so that have that irreplaceable time with him. He says that I am being selfish by worrying about my schedule only and not thinking about him and how depressed he is...I know it's tough, but he is not overseas and sees us every day for even a few minutes at least, he never works weekends, he makes good money, and we are not spending my entire check on childcare....who do you think is right?

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Sep. 16, 2009 in Money & Work

Answers (4)
  • I'm not even going to approach that subject of who's right or wrong... :]
    BUT, from personal experiences and strictly my opinion, I think.. it's not worth it.
    Just like the phrase, "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" it's also the same for the hubby in our household. We get crabbier, lots of stupid little fights happen..
    Of course, if it's something that's entirely unavoidable, like.. a mandatory schedule change happened, etc.. SOL.
    However, it honestly sounds like you two have a choice in the matter.

    If there are friends or family around that can watch the children for a cheaper amount.. or, if there's a chance that the childcare that you go through can give you a discount, or... looking through some newspaper ads or even Craigslist - they offer really nice, competent and cheap childcare. Maybe there's a chance that you can go night shift?

    I honestly hope you get things worked out. Keep me posted. :] Good luck.

    Answer by K_Sawyer at 3:40 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • seriously, i don't think it's an issue of being right or wrong, actually it sounds like you guys have this thing figured out to work pretty well. Or at least You do. if he is depressed, it may be more so related to the fact that he is working nights. not everyone can adapt and change their circadian rhythms to adjust with the change, and the interrupted sleep patterns or chronic lack of sleep is often a cause for some depressions. i would just watch him and try and ensure he is getting deep sleep on a regular basis and do what you can to make sure that it is consistent.

    Answer by jewjewbee at 7:48 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • dh and i have the same schedule almost with him working 4 nights, 1pm-11pm.. he also hates it but doesnt get paid more for nights, so his boss knows when a day shift opens up he wants to move to it, we dont pay much in childcare now but i honestly think my son would learn more from prek and only goes the 2 days we both work. so yes it saves money but is really hard for dh, we are going to change when we can according to his work.... i would like to see him more at nights too!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 10:33 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I can see it from both sides. It works out so well that he works nights so the children aren't in daycare, you get to work and add income and he gets weekends and Mondays off. I was raised to believe that when you have children, you do what is best for them. Even if it means doing something you're not fond of. Personally, I think it's better for little ones to be with at least one parent when that works instead of going to daycare or family/friends. But I can also see that if he really doesn't like working nights that he is likely depressed. I would just talk it over some more, calmly and tell him that if you have to put the children in daycare there is more money gone every month and likely cut backs at home. He needs to see every change his going to days would make.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

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