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I feel like a selfish, bad mother what do you think?

Ok, so this is what's going on... I've been a SAHM for the past 4 yrs. I have an 11 year old, 3, and 2 year old. When I got pregnant with my son, my husband and I decided it would better to stay home. (Oldest dd is not his). So now, my 3 year old is finally in pre-k, and he loves it, and I love dropping them off, and picking them up. I love doing everything for my kids, of course I have my days like most SAHM moms I imagine..when I feel useless, I cry, but then I look at my kids and they always brighten up my day. Well yesterday I had an interview for a great job..and I got it! ...full benefits and the pay is awesome, but I feel sooo sad just knowing I will be starting work in 2 wks..my little one is 2 yrs old, and I just feel like she still needs me here.

 
mcdthree

Asked by mcdthree at 2:15 AM on Sep. 16, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (13)
  • My mother worked while growing up. I cannot emphasize how much I admired and continue to admire her to this day, knowing how she did absolutely everything and made it look easy. It wasn't until I was ready to have children of my own that she confessed to the guilt and sadness that plagued her, but her employment was an absolute necessity (dad kept getting laid off, and eventually went back to school).

    I never felt like I was lacking anything while my mother worked. Instead, I was afforded many experiences like piano and ice skating lessons because she was able to provide them.

    Because of her, I know I can both have children and a career, and make it work. Certainly I would love to stay home with my children, but I also love my job. And considering that so many of our friends are divorced, and the women are now on their own with their kids-- it's nice knowing I have a career that will take care of us well!
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 3:30 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • (CONTINUE)I love to see her wake up, her big smile and the silly things she does throughout the day. I'm going to miss all that, I don't want her to resent me for leaving her. She will be with her grandma, but its not the same. Am I being selfish..need advise please...drowning in tears : (
    mcdthree

    Answer by mcdthree at 2:16 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • You are NOT being selfish! Did you know that there have actually been studies that have shown that kids treasure their time with mom more if she works? They're actually closer and appreciate that time more. We all worry about it, honey, but just think of what all you can do as a family with the extra income (vacations, presents, etc.) and how much more precious that time with your kids will be! I feel the same way with my daughter, sometimes, because my husband is currently a SAHD (but hoping to get a job that his aunt told him about, soon) and I'm working. It's so hard sometimes, but you treasure the time you do have so much more and you make the most of it. You'll be ok, and so will your kids! They won't resent you.
    Mrs.BAT

    Answer by Mrs.BAT at 2:22 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • this is really hard,im a sahm as well and i love it! the thought of my only kid going to school in 2 years makes me sad,but i also know that our country is a reck so people are suffering and having to do stuff they wouldnt have to do before.im sorry :(
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 2:25 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I guess your right,and that what everyone else has been telling me. I just feel soo sad tight now. I feel like its my fault..that I have to go back to work. I decided that I wanted my 11 and 3 year old in private school, so my husband told me that if that's what I really wanted, that I would have to work to help out with kids tuition..I didn't think I would find a job so soon,but I did, and now I have 2 wks left to be at home.. I'm sooo confused...
    mcdthree

    Answer by mcdthree at 2:35 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • i wanna do private school as well when mine gets to middle school,so ill be hearing the same thing,lol :) that or ill have to homeschool.
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 2:58 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • if your family needs the money it isnt selfish, do you need to work to support them or you just want to??
    AmaliaD

    Answer by AmaliaD at 7:49 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I just went through the same thing. I have stayed at home with my girls for almost five years now. We have hit hard times financially in the last year or so and my husband finally decided he thought I should get a job. Well I applied got hired and with two in school now it left my 2 year old to have to go to daycare by herself. This is still hard for me to adjust to and I have been working for a month now. Maybe it will get easier for both of us.
    ktootalu

    Answer by ktootalu at 9:21 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Yes, unfortunately I do have to work. It was me who decided that I wanted my kids in private school, so my husband decided it would be best for me to start working to be able to afford tuition. I feel a lot better now, thanks to all you strong mothers who have given me great advise I really appreciate it. : ) I will start my new job on the 28th, I will be strong, and just know that my kids will love me just as much. I know I'm gonna miss them like crazy, but now I'm looking forward to seeing their happy faces when I pick them up from school, and when I get home to my 2 year old.
    mcdthree

    Answer by mcdthree at 9:35 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I wanted to echo busimommi's sentiments. Very well written. You are not being selfish at all! I can only imagine that it would be hard. I had to go back to work when my son was 4 months old, and that was also very hard on me. But, he LOVES daycare now. You will get to create new favorite times of the day with your child...like the look on their faces when you pick them up, having conversations about what they learned in the car, etc. I just want to wish you luck and say CONGRATULATIONS on your new job! It sounds like your children will be very proud of their mom!
    Glowing4Caleb

    Answer by Glowing4Caleb at 9:55 AM on Sep. 16, 2009

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