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I am at my WITS end...she is 3 (4 in nov) and she WILL NOT listen to me..

Hi there. I have a 3yr old daughter who will not for the life of me listen. I don't understand. I say no and she asks again and again and again. She talks back so badly, its like I have a 16yr old already. I feel like all I do is yell at her because she can't hear me because at this point I have no more patience. She is resistant to being spanked, time outs don't faze her, having talks with her go in one ear and out the other. Ill take her toys away and all she will do is follow me around asking for them, do I give in, NO so I just end up getting mad because she is pestereing me. She is a very smart and advanced 3yr old. WHAT do I do....I am so tired of it. I feel liek I am going to ruin her.

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Asked by myheidibug at 11:57 AM on Sep. 16, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (8)
  • myheidibug - did you steal me Madison??? First let me say welcome to the "I don't have to listen to you or do anything you tell me to" club.

    My daughter is the spitting image of your's accept mine is 4. She's a drama queen, whines about everything if it's not what she wants to hear. Doesn't and refuses to accept "no" as an aswer. Stomps. Screams. Bullies her big sister who is 11 and has a temper.

    She recently started Pre-K and on the first day was in time out! Who goes to time out the first day??? My Madi, that's who. The first week she was dreadful, we pushed on, the second week she was stuborn, we pushed on and last week she was better, this week so far she's doing much better. My point is she may need structure - not that you're not giving her that already but structure from another source other than mommy and daddy. We also enrolled her into a Saturday dance class that way she gets to interact more with

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 12:08 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • kids her own age and see how they behave. I believe the more she sees other kids doing what they're told and the rewards and praise they receive this will only encourage her to do the same and not to avoid being spanked or put in time out or because mom or dad told her so but because it's the right thing to do.

    We take each day at a time with our daughter and there are days where she is a well behaved child and days where she makes us want to drive to the nearest gas station and leave her wearing a sign saying will scream for food. Hold onto the days she makes your heart smile. It's okay to cry too - crying helps me on those days I don't know what to do. Do you pray? Pray with her as well as by yourself - ask for guidence in raising this beautiful child. I keep reminding myself that there will come a day when I look back on these days and yearn & there are times where I know I'll look back and thank God they're over

    Answer by Ladybugkisses76 at 12:16 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • What should you do? Well, first- be grateful she's not twins :)
    Seriously... I have the same child at my house some days. Usually she's okay but she certainly has her moments.
    I'm kind of a mean mommy on the subject of listening, behaving, and respecting your parents. So I think that my honest advice would be to get a new baby gate. If she can't listen to you, she can sit in her room until she's ready to. Put up the gate and leave it there for as long as it takes- as often as it takes. It'll be a rough 2 or 3 days before she gets the point, but eventually she WILL get the point.
    Bonus points if you remove the toys before sticking her in there :)
    Told you I was mean.

    Answer by emhain at 12:36 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • structure her day more. Push back is normal at this age, and be grateful for it. HAH I really did just say that, but it means she is bright and is trying to assert her personality.

    Make sure she gets plenty of outside time running around, and chase her little butt until she drops. (bonus; calorie burning for you!).

    shopping was a night mare with my two year old once the baby was born, now we go as a family and she shops with me. . . (quickly, quickly, find the orange carrots!) while daddy pushes the cart and the baby, and it's freaking hilarious and fun.

    if kids have a good idea of what is coming next because they have a solid routine, they tend to behave better. it gives them a sense of control. Also try telling her what you need BEFORE she begins asserting her independence. (we are going to grandma's, I need you to be good, please no yelling and running around.)

    if the tantrum persist, make a spot for her to have them.

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:50 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • as in, You yell and scream better than anybody I've ever seen, such a tantrum should have a special place. your place is your bed. when you are done, you can come get me. tell her this when she is being good. Then, when she flips out, plop her in her bed, and say, CALMLY, have a good tantrum.

    Got that out of john rosemonds new parent power and it works like a charm. Definitely a book worth picking up and reading. Takes two or three tries, but eventually they realize that the screaming isn't getting them attention and they move on.

    Answer by lovinangels at 1:58 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • My daughter is only 2, but is doing some of the same things. My motto has always been be consistent and don't lose it! If you get mad, she will get mad too and think it's okay to get mad's a communicating issue. I think a routine and some structure is good, but she should be able to be independent too and decide what she wants to do (within reason). I give my daughter 2 choices when a battle arises. 1. Play outside with your big wheel OR 2. Play inside without your bigwheel ... when she kept wanting to bring it inside and I kept returning it outside..after 3 times I shut the door, set her on my lap, and offered her the choices amid her temper tamptrum. She chose inside. I gave her a hug and told her I loved her and that was a good choice. We have at least one of these situations per day, and I react the same every time so she is just testing her limits. Be calm, consistent, sometimes I even ignore her.

    Answer by dgreenw at 2:58 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Gosh I feel better knowing I am not in this alone! My daughter will be 4 in November as well. She talks back to me like its going out of style. I have been doing the whole time out thing. She talks back in the chair for 3 min, she screams in the chair another minute. For most of the day it seems like she is in the chair! I try so hard to ignore her but she just keeps on pushing my buttons- didn't think this would happen so early! Hopefully 4 is better then 3 ! Let me know if you find anything that works!

    Answer by mommytobrooke at 8:40 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • you just described my 4 year old sean...i have no advice because i am still trying to get my 4 year old in line lol....just letting you know that your not alone....when he was 2, i thought it be better at 3, when he was 3 i thought he would be better at 4, and now im hoping it will get better at 5 lol

    Answer by jessean at 12:58 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

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