Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I tell people about my daughter's Asperger's Syndrome?

My dd is 6 and pretty normal most of the time. However her behavior can suddenly become odd. This happened at a party where I left her with 5 of her best friends. When I went to pick her up, she was crying and picking her ear and acting very stressed out. The mom at the house and all of her friends looked down right spooked by her behavior. I just shook it off, saying she didn't get a lot of sleep the night before and was a bit cranky. Should I have told them the truth, that she can get stressed out in social situations and needs to be redirected (her aid does this for her at school)? Should I not allow her to go to parties without me there to intervene? I don't want people to think she's a bad kid, or worse "nuts." But would the Asperger label stigmatise her even more? DH and I are at odds over this, and I don't know what to do.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Sep. 16, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • IMO don't even use the "label" IF and When a situation like a sleep over or something arrises, then tell the parent about her "social anxiaty" and how to help her if it becomes a problem. Sadly you are right labels scare people or can cause them to see our children in a different way, but if you use less scary words, it dosent seem to make a fuss. GL

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • if they dont/cant understand it's not her fault, then i wouldnt be freinds with them. so yes, tell them.

    Answer by mandielynn23 at 12:12 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I agree. I don't think its necessary to tell the other kids, but the parents should know.

    There is no reason why she can't be in social settings with a trusted adult, but it you truly trust the adult enough to leave your child with them, then you should be able to tell them about her diagnosis so they can properly care for her in these situations.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 12:15 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • deffinitly tell other parents. the kids dont have to kno but at least she'll have someone to helpo her out when your not around.

    Answer by JocelynsMama1 at 12:16 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I have a difference of opinion with the pp's. My oldest has autism and I have found that the label really scares some people. A lot of people at my church were afraid to stay with my son because he had autism and they didn't know what it was. Once they got to know him, they realized that he's a good kid with a great sense of humor and they love him. Unless the people know what asperger's is and how to deal with it, I wouldn't tell them; I would just find a way to stick close by and have more playdates at my house.

    Answer by missanc at 12:30 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • My son has Down's Syndrome (I know it's different) but I tell people up front. I let them know what to expect and how to deal with him. I've found that they are more tolerable and understanding and work with him more.

    Answer by jessicazeksmom at 12:30 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • My son is PDD-NOS and I am not ashamed to tell others about it. It helps explain to his teachers and other adults why he is the way he is, it also can be a way to educate them if they don't know what it is. If one is uneducated about a thing, that thing can be very scary.

    I guess I find it a way to be an advocate. I guess I find it a way to spread Autism Awareness.

    If other adults are not willing to learn about it, or not willing to learn how to help your daughter cope with things when they arise....then they aren't worth being around.

    I'm not saying to announce it to everyone in the store when she has a meltdown or anything....but she has a diagnosis. There are times when others do need to know.

    If the other mother had known of her Asperger's and how she can react to things, if she had known how to help her when a meltdown occurred, then you might not have found your daughter in tears and picking her ears.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:46 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Thank you all for your feed back. The problem is, every response is right!. Some people will be compassionate and some people will be jerks. So far I haven't let the cat out of the bag. I didn't expect my daughter to get so upset at the party because she's been doing very well recently. BTW close friends and family do know, and oddly enough when I told them, they almost all said, they didn't see it. Go figure.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • You can't "expect" a meltdown will or won't happen. I find it easier to always expect them in any given situation. When it happens, I 'm not surprised, but I am ready for it. When it doesn't, we ALL have a great day!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Yeah, I think I agree with that. When dd was in disabled preschool and took the "little bus" everyday, I told inquisitive neighbors she had a speech delay. She didn't, I already knew she had some kind of autistic spectrum disorder, but they accepted the more innocuous explanation.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:39 PM on Sep. 16, 2009