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Rule-free tweens

Okay my dh has always been the "cool dad". The one that spoils his daughters, is always giving them money, lets them go wherever, dress however, and on and on. Their friends love coming over to our house because there are no rules. He lets them throw parties and now that they are almost in the teen years (11 and 12) I worry if this is going to land him in big trouble down the road. He is such a care free easy going person , he says he is too young (29) to act like a hard-ass.
Ok so I am just the step mother here, but I would like to keep trouble at bay for the future.
Any hope I can get him to change? Anything I can say or do? I don't want to step on toes, but I am worried about what could happen.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Sep. 16, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Yes, your husband can get in trouble down the road if there is alcohol served at these parties. He can be charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor, underage drinking. He is plain stupid to not have rules and his age doesn't matter. There are plenty of parents his age that have rules, limits and consequences. He needs to realize how harmful his attitude and behavior are to his kids, how many problems will occur and how they won't know what to do as adults. He needs to be their father not their friend. It is his job to be the father. Tell him that he will have no one to blame but himself when his little princesses become teen mothers, are drug addicts or alcoholics.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:45 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • SAY SOMETHING, ARE YOU THE STEP MOM. Somebody has to be the adult here.

    Answer by KFree907 at 2:02 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I would be worried. Tell him there needs to be ground rules because they are going to get worse as they get older. I doubt he wants to be a grandfather by the time he's in his middle 30s because he's let the girls run wild. My guess would also be that he wants to be their friend not the parent because he was a parent at such a young age.

    What does the girls' mother think?

    Good luck you are in a rough spot with this one.

    Answer by frenzied at 2:35 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • At 29 he has an 11 and 12 year old? So he was 17 & 18 when he had kids?? And you want him to start being a little more into parenting??
    He's right, He's too young to act like a hard-ass because he's too young to have two kids this age. Take over the parenting today or he's going to be a grandfather at 33.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:42 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • When the DD's get older they will run you guys over cause he thought he would be a friend they won't listen they will do whatever they won't even sneak out which they will 1 way or another get there way and they also know that he doesn't care what they do. and since he had kids at a young age his parents didn't do alot of controling eather which thats why the DD's are getting what they want now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • I firmly believe that you can not change a man. You have to make him see the error of his ways so he can change himself. Tell him that you've started a new saving account. When he asks why, let him know that you are just being proactive. This will prompt further inquiry from him to which you can respond that you expect to be raising a grandchild in 3 to 6 years & you don't want it to be an unexpected financial burden. Since he doesn't want to be a hard-ass at 29, he has just significantly raised his chances of being a grandpa at 32.

    Answer by carlye828 at 11:26 PM on Sep. 17, 2009

  • Umm, whomever posted their reply at 8:42am ~ listen here. . .that was incredibly judgemental and counterproductive. If he was just now becoming a parent, he'd still be the man he is regardless of how old he was when those children were born. My husband and I had our son when we were 16. Now he's 12, in the full time gifted program at school and has never had less than an A- on his report card ~ honest to God! I am a montessori kindergarten teacher, my husband is a Deputy Sheriff for the local Sheriff's Office. Just because a parent is young, that does NOT explain away their parenting flaws. This dad sounds like a free spirit, and he'd be that way whether his kids were born when he was 17, 22, or 45. . . . I'm just saying, don't lump us all together please, as if age were the insta-explanation for poor parental judgment. . .

    Answer by Jennifina at 2:33 PM on Sep. 22, 2009