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Punishing the mom, not the kid.

Ughh so my husband took 16 yo Sd driving privileges away for a month, due to her repeatedly breaking curfew on the weekends. Well honestly it feels more like a punishment to me in some ways, because now I have to take her to and from school, to and from practice and so on. I am all about consequences, but does this teach her anything?
I felt like just letting her drive her car today because we were running late, but didn't.
I also always thought that when kids got suspended from school, it was more like a vacation for the kids, and a hardship for the parents having to make alternative arrangements for the kids.
Maybe it is just me, what are your thoughts?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Sep. 16, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • I think most parents would agree with you, I always hated when dad would punish the kids cause a lot of times it was a huge inconvience for me, so instead of him just throwing out the consequence we would discuss it and sometimes have to get creative.

    For instance in your case I would have let her take the car to school and she would have to come home right afterwards, so if school got out at three and it takes 15 minutes to get home then I want her walking in the door by 3:20, no and's if's or but's, anything else she has planned she must find her own ride.

    Overall it sucks when the parent feels punished along with the child but it is one of those things that has to be done.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 3:31 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • True! I'd take away as many of her privilages as I could, and she'd have to stay home on the weekends for awhil or get a job.

    Answer by MommaRox4683 at 3:19 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I would make her ride the bus rather than driving her to school, and also expect her to do extra chores to reimburse you for your time you are taking to drive her places.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:21 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • I think sometimes discipline is harder on the parent than the child, but I also think you have to do it even when it isn't convenient. I get agravated with my husband sometimes for choosing punishments that are not convenient for me, especially when I feel like he's choosing the wrong battle.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • Definitely, when you punish the kids, the parents (usually mom) are punished too. I don't know what the answer is, and unfortunately because of that, many parents don't follow through and end up with bigger problems. When the kids are grounded, the parents have to tolerate them at home pouting or complaining and badgering. When you take the car, you have the same, place you have to do the extra driving. Take away texting, and they will die torturing you!!!

    Answer by ohwrite at 3:41 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • call the school, they will be able to get you in touch with transportation. The school district I was in was willing to make sure the bus stopped close enough by for my parents to make me catch it. They also ran a special activity's bus that ran in the late afternoon and just ran wherever the kids were that were on it. Waiting for that bus used to be deadly boring because most of the people I knew drove home so it was me a couple of freshmen and kids from the middle school on it. talk about humiliating. Only messed up like that once!

    Answer by auroura at 3:51 PM on Sep. 16, 2009

  • When I ground my son I am stuck at home. We really cannot go anywhere. Part of parenting and sometimes it sucks. You need to grow up.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Sep. 16, 2009